The Bible is the ultimate resource for overcoming any negative emotion, especially anger. Find encouragement in scripture as you explore and resolve your angry feelings and resentment.
About a week ago, I received an email from a reader. She saw my post on overcoming disappointment, and she asked if I could help her. She is suffering in an unbearably unjust situation, and she is angry and resentful at the person causing it.
I can't share her whole story, but the details are unimportant. Your anger and resentment are as real and honest and justified as hers are. They're understandable.
And she's looking for answers and instructions, just like you are.
I prayed about this woman and her family, and I prayed for you. I prayed that God would give me the words to help both of you.
My therapist says that anger is always masking a more vulnerable emotion. I think it's helpful to look at that more vulnerable emotion and to deal with that, but you can come back to that later. For now, let's just talk about the emotions you're feeling.
12 Bible Verses & 5 Steps to Overcoming Anger and Resentment
Concrete steps make sense to me. Give me a numbered list, and I'm a happy camper. So I created a numbered list for you.
Following the steps isn't as easy as 1-2-3. The steps are where the real work lies. I am praying that you are challenged by these steps, and that you find a way to get through them all.
- Control your temper. (Let's start right away with the hard stuff!)
When people mistreat us and there's nothing we can do about it, we get mad. It isn't fair. Parents see it in their young children who are constantly on the lookout to make sure everything is fair.
The gut reaction to get upset in the face of unfairness never really goes away. God's Word says that we are to control our tempers, even in the face of unfairness.
Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs. -Proverbs 19:11
Earn respect. What if the respect of men isn't what you're after?
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. -James 1:19-20
The righteousness God desires. Ouch. We may be able to brush off the respect of men, but the righteousness of God doesn't go away so easily.
Do to others as you would like them to do to you. -Luke 6:31
When we overlook wrongs, we treat others the way we want to be treated. But what if the wrong is something really big? What if we can't just get over the strife?
We still have choices. If the wrong is something monumental - abuse, neglect, criminal - then DO SOMETHING. Don't just get angry, but take action. Take your indignation and enlist the help of someone who can stop it.
The reader who wrote to me has endured her situation for five months. Certainly, she has been slow to anger. But now, she is furious.
What next?
2. Don't let your feelings control you. God recognizes that sometimes, we do get angry. Often, we need to in order to remedy a situation or to spur us on to action.
Don't sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent. -Psalm 4:4
He is saying to think about your situation, and see if it merits your fury.
Are you saying something like, "YES! It does! I have a right to be mad. Is that wrong?"
Being upset isn't a sin, but being controlled by your feelings is.
And don't sin by letting anger control you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. -Ephesians 4:26-27
So you're there. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry. Find a way to work it out, pray through it, move past it before you give the devil an in-road to your psyche.
Need a pick-me-up? Go do something kind for someone. Volunteer your time. Do good, forgetting about the person who's made you angry for a while.
Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper - it only leads to harm. -Psalm 37:8
All scriptures are God-breathed, right? Every word is true. So what of this? Stop being angry?! How do you just stop?
3. You pray. Pray for yourself. Pray for the person who is making you have big feelings. Pray for the situation. Pray that your heart will be softened and you'll forgive.
People can't change people. Only God can change people.
Right now, YOU need to be changed, and the person who's hurt you needs to be changed. Give yourself permission to just focus on you for now. Ask the Holy Spirit of God to change you and get rid of your anger despite the rotten situation you're in.
But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. -Colossians 3:8, 12-13
You are holy and beloved, my friend. You are, and you deserve better than what these feelings are doing to you.
4. Forgive. I said these steps weren't going to be easy. Pray that you can forgive the person who's hurt you. Pray it every day, every hour, every minute if you have to. (What if it's too hard? Here are more Bible verses to help you with forgiveness.)
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. -Ephesians 4:31-32
It's the Golden Rule again. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Treat the person who's hurt you with the same tenderhearted kindness that you treat your kids with.
I heard once that holding unforgiveness in your heart is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Unforgiveness is toxic to your soul. It affects every part of your life, and it manifests in sickness, in tension, and in anger.
Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. -Luke 6:37
We are required to forgive as the Father has forgiven us, to refrain from holding a grudge, to let go. It is not optional - and it does not come easily.
5. Love. Forgiveness is one thing, but loving is another thing entirely. Loving your enemy - the very person who's hurt you - is also required by scripture.
Not suggested, required.
The very thought makes me feel sick for you.
You don't want to act in a loving way towards the person who's hurt you. Not at all.
That's where prayer comes in again. Pray that you'll have compassion and kindness for that person. (And keep praying it until it happens.)
Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked. -Luke 6:35
This passage goes on to say that even sinners are kind to those who love them, but it takes something special to be kind to an enemy.
You see, we don't get to have vengeance. It's not ours; it's God's alone. We are called to love God and love one another, the end.
Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God.
For the Scriptures say,
"I will take revenge;
I will pay them back,"
says the Lord.Instead, If your enemies are hungry, feed them.
If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap
burning coals of shame on their heads.Don't let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good. -Romans 12:17-21
You see, Jesus didn't just die for you, my righteous friend. He died for the person who's hurt you, too. He loves both of you the same. It doesn't seem fair (there's a parable about that), but it is so.
Jesus died for both of you because you're both sinners.
Different stories, different sins, same black marks.
For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. -1 Thessalonians 5:9-11
Save these Bible verses on anger and resentment in a convenient black and white printable below. You can work on memorizing and meditating on them, one at a time.
If you need help with a system for memorizing verses, check out this post on our family's memorization habit.
Victoria says
wow. Thank you so much. Wow I never thought God would give me my answer on Pinterest.. Truly words of wisdom. A friend and I had a falling out a long while back.. I prayed that one day I would run into her and reconcile. This situation was clearly not my fault I took the blame and apologized because it was the right thing as a Christian to as you clearly stated in above scriptures. Well we have been having a struggle because she points out all my mistakes to any and everyone and she knows it annoys me and she passes it off as a joke.. After a year or so I just let it go trying to do the Christian thing till we had incident at Christmas and she put me down again in front of her husband and my daughter and I tried to explain but she kept on and no matter what I said it made me look like the bad guy. The next day I told her to stop pointing out all my mistakes because it really was getting me angry and every time we get together I leave and have to repent all the way home.. Well she kept on and lashed out at her twice and she got mad and walked out.. I felt a load had been taken off my shoulders. However I felt bad and did text here and apologized again an ask her to forgive me again. She did and we are still texting and talking. My question is I really don't want to spend any time quilting with her but I want to stay intouch because I really care about her we have been friends for so long..is it ok not to be friends with some one and not want to be around them. I am so happy I don't have to be around her but I'm afraid she is going to want to get together again and I don't want to hurt her fillings but my heart can't take anymore.. Please help..
Erika says
I believe you can be friends with someone from a distance.. It's called letting go and letting GOD handle that.. It's not worth your sanity to be around her and she keeps pressing your buttons.. Jesus said his yoke is easy and his burden is light.. She's too heavy to be on your back so leave it be.. And recognize that friends grow apart and maybe her season is up!
senora says
Thank you. I am relearning what you have said. I had that figured out but life handed me health issues and loss after loss that l just kept hanging on and reacting to every one and anything. My life basically wasn't good friendships and family also social. Only good when l put out for others and faked myself only to be untrue to myself again by letting the world see me as strong and giving then inside l was mad at everything and day to day living in real hell and now l have cancer and yet l am getting along l don't care about dying but l care about not letting go of the heavy load of day to day anger and not being true in my life to myself. There is a season and l believe my season of carrying this familiar pride and resentments is to heavy anymore even if it helped me survive all my life but now it's not. I am scared of vulnerability it doesn't seem comfortable but more like l could be used by others again and destroy what little life l have left. Thank you for reminding me l don't carry the load even though l have all my life.
ryan says
Thank you for this. I have had some really unfair encounters in the work place at previous jobs. It crazy cause I have a great job now with great people yet I still feel such anger and bitterness and hatred toward those I used to work with. My thoughts are consumed with hatred for those who mistreated me.
My prayer today is that I can let this go and feel compassion for those who treated me so badly and that I can appreciate my new life
Rechell says
Thank you for your sharing. I absolutely relates what you've been through, because that is certainly happening to me right now. My friend don't give me importance a lot of times. I want myself keep away from her anymore so that I can have a peace of mind, but the most difficult is that we will be together until April next year. But u learned from this article that I should let God get anger with her and I should forgive her in a way that I should accept that friends only come and go. From now on, I'll let her go and forgive as well.
Diane says
Thank You for your comment. I know you are right and I know better but I let anger rule. It was so much back to back . I woke up this morning and it came to me "the world did not give it to me and I am not going to let people in this world take it away" in the Mighty Name of Jesus Amen.
Mark says
Thank you. I am in that situation and needed to hear that.
Maria Erasmus says
God wants us to forgive our transgresses, why? so we can teach them the way to the Lord Jesus so that it can go well with us. But, Jesus teaches us in his word that we must flee from people who make us feel uneasy.
Clare says
Where in scripture does Jesus teach us to 'flee from.people eho make us uneasy'.
Very, very interesting..
Justine says
If they won't receive you (and therefore the one that sent you) wipe off the dust from your feet and go to where you are received. Matthew 10:
11 And whatever town or village you enter, find out who is worthy in it and stay there until you depart. 12 As you enter the house, greet it. 13 And if the house is worthy, let your peace come upon it, but if it is not worthy, let your peace return to you. 14 And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town.
Lula Doss says
Victoria
Good morning. It appears to me that you are the only friend in the above relationship. God requires us to forgive not to remain in a relationship where we are constantly being put down. That's abuse. If your so called friend is upsetting you on purpose and putting you down, you need to face the facts, you two are NOT friends! Move on and enjoy the peace of God!
Jonathan says
There is NOTHING in Scripture that says you should be friends with someone who makes you mad, hurt, etc. Quite the opposite: we are commanded in several places in the Bible to keep our close associations with godly people.
Do NOT misunderstand: forgiveness and closely associating with people are NOT related. I have truly forgiven my ex gf who did me wrong, and it's been liberating! But being around her wouldn't be good for my heart, soul, or walk because of behavior like your friend has. You wouldn't ask a reformed alcoholic who's been sober for 10 years to walk into a bar, right?
My advice, based on my reading of Scripture: forgive deeply...and minimize (or eliminate) contact with your friend. Brothers and sisters in Christ are to build each other up in God's Word, NOT tear each other down!
Good luck, and God bless!
Jennifer Price says
Wow I was sitting here tonight secondingredients guessing who I was cause I just let anger get the best of me. And when I let it go into started asking myself who are you. Cause I'm not that anger person I'm a child of God. So I prayed to ask got to remove it from me. And give me my tender heart back. I feel really bad I let it get the best of me it made me question myself. Like who is this person it was scary.
BEN says
DO YOU THINK YOUR FRIEND IS ENVIOUS OF YOU? THE REASON PEOPLE MAKE FUN OF OTHER PEOPLE IS THEY ARE THE ONES WHO ARE HURTIN AND THEY WANT TO SHARE THE PAIN. YOUR ARE LOOKING REJECTION RIGHT IN THE EYE, ASK OUR LORD JESUS ABOUT THAT.
Keon says
I am a believer that everything is seasonal. When God is taking you to a higher place, he says that because of where I am taking you, everyone can't go with you. I'm taking you to a higher level in me and this particular friend/person cannot go. When I take you up I need your eyes to be focused on me. When he takes us higher he doesn't want us to be hindered by our surroundings. My friend and I fell out and I was very hurt by the situation, because she was my bestfriend, kind of like a sister to me. But, as time went on I began to understand why our relationship ended. God was taking me higher and she just couldn't go with me. Some people are not ready to go where God is taking you. I forgave her for what she had done and I moved on. When God shows you who people really are and once he closes that door its up to you. I believe that every friendship that has ended does not have to be rekindled. People fail to realize how much better their doing without that person. Holding on causes more damage, then letting go. When you let go of someone who isn't good for you, you let go of hurt, anger, disappointment, stress and etc. After you let that person go you grab hold of peace, joy, happiness, and etc. So every friendship that has ended does not need to be rekindled, LET IT GO!!
Roger Peralta says
What I read I believe the Lord has told me through you
Mundih says
Well it's not bad to point out your errors, but exposing that to the world frequently isn't the right thing to do, I think she too has a problem she's got to work out, when you are apart you feel relieved, what does that tells you, you could be apart for a while to work out issues individually and then come again if GOD meant both of you to be as friends.
Barb says
Your post sounds exactly like what my sister has been doing to me. She has been rude and hateful but I think that may be a sign of something much more wicked going on around her, in her life. I too am finding it difficult to "forgive an forget" ... as I want to lash out ... but the Holy Spirit keeps SHOUTING at me - HARBOR NO ILL WILL. Sometimes you just have to say I forgive you ... and move on. Let it go ... or like Taylor Swift says ... "shake it off". I'm going to TRY ... and if your friend tries getting back together to do things I would simply state that while I treasured our friendship and I will always keep you in my prayers I must gracefully decline to (have lunch ... go to a movie ... etc.)
Dawn says
Thank you, I'm going through a messy divorce. Our marriage had issues but my husband took it 3 steps too far. He had many female friends that he would talk to for at least 2 years ( supposedly no affairs) and in August of 2014 found out he actually had an affair with his childhood's friends ex wife... I tried to work on my problems that he had with me... But he never choose to work on himself. His story never added up... So I never felt like I could let things die...Six months later I received more information from the lady he had an affair with and he told me a few things that happend. I have been overwhelmed by hurt, grief, embarrassment, betrayal and just plain exhausted. From day one he has blamed the affair on me and he has also blamed me for his running to become friends with the opposite sex. I filed for divorce and I'm ready to leave him behind. This post has helped me see that I need to forgive him... Even if he has never been sorry for any of his actions. I must forgive and let my anger go to be healthy and move on... I believe God will be proud of me. I want God to work on my husbands heart and open his eyes to what he has done to our family. It is over for us as a married couple but I would still like an honest "I'm Sorry"
Leah says
How are you doing w forgiveness?
I am going through a divorce too..
Jajaz says
OMG I am a man who is utterly filled with hate and anger towards my wife who is exactly like your husband. Please tell me how in the heck you can just let go of it. The Divorce is right around the corner and I don't like the things I hear because of the hate, that I am somehow emotional or unable to cope. Its like someone killing a family member you love and just saying ok sure no problem I forgive you!! Seriously!!!!!
faith says
Oh i am also proud of you. So many people including me is dealing with a volcano of pain caused by the attitude of others.well I know for sure that God can step into that trouble heart and bring peace. It is God that will do it. It is so easy to say to peple forgive but the victims just don't seem to have the strength. Prayer comes in at this moment. Only the holy spirit can grant the grace and then we ask for that grace.
Clare says
That is very sad, that He never said sorry but I know that you are right in what you say - about forgiving someone even when they haven't said sorry or apologised or have no remorse or no concept of the hurt & damage they've caused you. Jesus forgave the human race when we were all saturated & riddled within. He didn't get us to say sorry, first. He repeatedly forgave those he encountered in his ministry, who had sinned. It's like a gift. Prove often don't deserve gifts but they are given anyway. Forgiveness is like a gift. You don't have to do it alone, either - if you feel or know that you can't forgive someone then just ask Jesus to HELP you forgive them. Tell HIM (Jesus) that you can't do it by yourself & ask Him to HELP you do it. He will & you will be freed.
Gertrude says
I have a good friend who cares so much for me but I a always rude harsh, condemning and judging him, everything that he tried to do is never enough, I am never satisfied but I know deep I my heart that he is the best thing hat ever happen to me. all this is because I am coming from an abuse relationship, I was transform there, good girl gone bad. everyone pointed me as a bad friend when he is just try to help me to let go of the past, to heal me,he prays for me to let go. Every evil that I am doing to him is what they have been doing to from my father to the father of my child, I really want to be better, to stop poisoning my heart and brain with anger, I pray God transforms me, give me a new Spirit, a new mind, a new heart, I know I can be better.
Clare says
May God help.you Gertrude....to have to deal with that. Why not direct the anger at those who deserve it....your father & the father if yiyr chikd? Instead of to this dear friend you have!
Clare says
Ok.all.of you, listen to this. Was Jesus patient & calm in.the Temple Courtyard when he made a whip & overturned tables & told the traders to stop making the Trmple a marketplace?
No, he was not calm & patient & gentle. He was ANGRY & He REBUKED them. There is a place for REBUKING.people who have done wrong. You are all entitled to do that. Call a spade a spade,.just like Jesus did.
Jesus demonstrated that anger is not wrong but that it can be justified in certain circumstances. Yes, He appears to have used violence - to overturn the tables. He is showing us that it's not wrong to be angry, isn't He?
You are all entitled to rebuke those who have hurt you & to tell them exactly what they have done that was wrong. Entitled. Then forgive, forget & if need be, forget the person, move on, minimise contact so you don't get hurt anymore.
You WILL get hurt if you're a DOORMAT & don't rebuke them. Rebuke them & show strength & dignity.
Vengeance is left to God Himself but you are entitled to rebuke.
Anna Machacek says
Gertrude,
Jesus always walks with us, that is for sure. Sometimes He is with us through Godly friends. If you look at your friend as a God sent to help you through this difficult time, you will be able to be kinder to him. Another thing to remember is that the devil took up territory in your heart and he will not give it up without a fight. There is great power when two people are of like mind on a prayer goal. The last thing the devil wants is for you and your friend to pray a prayer in agreement. Instead, he hopes to discourage your friend from praying for you. Thank God for sending a tangible presence through which He (Jesus) can walk with you. Remember greater is He that is in you than he who is in the world. Victory is yours!
Claudia Chavez says
I had to read your post at least twice and perhaps several more times to really have it sink in. I received this link as a message this morning as I drove to work in tears from someone I see as an angel God placed in my life when I needed him most. After a really bad falling out with my ex, father of my children, I placed myself and my two children in a bad situation. I exposed them to see the real monster I had been dealing with and stopped trying to make excuses for their father. I placed the call on speaker for them to hear how he is with me and how he treated me. At that moment I stopped covering for him and making up excuses and they got to hear him. I felt so guilty and full of regret for doing so and cried the whole way to work. I felt I had disappointed them and started off their day by ruining it. I called the school counselor to check on them and haven't been at ease all day.
What I did realize was that it all has to start and end with me. Regardless of how ugly he is with me - adult matters should be exactly that, adult matters. I carry so much pain everyday and internalize it so deep in my heart for no one to see or feel. I cope by crying when no one is around and releasing all my emotions on a piece of paper only to burn for no one to find.
I read all the comments above and related to each and every one of them in some way and I hope that this may also help someone in silence. I am learning to give it to God and just find prayer to be my therapist. I am a work in progress and I am far from complete.
Sarah says
Thank you.
Mike says
BI am praying as I write this that SOMEONE FILLED THE HOLY GHOST will respond to this post. My mom is going through an HORRENDOUS NIGHTMARE in her physical and Spiritual being, and I am her primary caregiver. SOMETIMES my older brother & sister help, but mostly, it is me. She's near the point where my help isn't going to be enough anymore, yet all my family seems to want is Mom in a home and me far away from them (Mom and I live together and if she goes away to a home, I'll be outdoors, I fear, as my kin have already decided that they do not want my saved lifestyle interfering/clashing with their unsaved lifestyle). Oh sure, they broken this news "out of concern", so they said, for me, but I know what they all meant: we don't want you and your holiness hanging around if Mom has to go away, making us guilty for what we do/how we're living.
In short, I am angry with my family, my mom, and---it SCARES me to even think it--maybe a LITTLE BIT with God. Please, PLEASE SOMEONE RESPOND--I REALLY NEED TO HEAR FROM THE BODY OF CHRIST ON THIS MATTER. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME AND MY MOM.
F says
Hi Mike.
Sorry to hear about your trials. Thst involves persecution. I recently heard a similar story of a person whose family and friends abandoned her when she became a Christian. She was provided for, I.e., given somewhere to live and now her family are following her into the faith, one by one and praying for each other.There is a promise which says that whatever you lose for the sake of the gospel, you will be rewarded with many times over. I'm sure you may have seen it or you can find it if you Google it. God is in control. He will take care of you. Pls keep looking to Him.
KAK says
As with a stranger forgive, forgiveness is more powerful then most people can imagine.
I've been visiting my mother, she has an apartment attached to the side of my brothers house.
My brother and sister are having a problem with one another. Each one wants me to hear their side.
All I want to do is visit my mother and brother peacefully, the same as when I visit my sister.
I've asked them not to get me involved with their issues and have felt misdirected anger towards me.
It hurts my heart they can't love one another and forgive. I've felt offended by how, I've been treated while on this visit. I feel I can't get a word in edge wise and when I do, that I don't know what I'm talking about. I consider myself thoughtful, kind, understanding, generous with my time and practice this in my day to day living to the best of my ability. I walk away or say I don't want to argue and then raised voices and criticism are directed at me. I'm afraid to do or say anything while staying here because I feel I'm being attacked verbally or what I have to say isn't important. I was up all night asking GOD to help me with my heart and to forgive. I walked into the kitchen he shares with my mother and greeted him in the morning, then he greeted me. I knew I wouldn't be able to talk to him about the elephant in the room because, I'm always wrong or I should do it his way. If I try to help him understand what I m feeling, I'm shut down ...so I've been biting my tongue for my mother who will be 90 this year.
We had a nice day and as evening came, another incident occurred, that's what brings me here again, asking for GODS guidance.
I'll pray on GODS guidance for us and ask that forgiveness comes with an open Heart...
..where GOD LIVES.
Mother Teresa is known for what's posted below;
1. The version found written on the wall in Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta:
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
-this version is credited to Mother Teresa
There's Peace in Forgiving...
K.A.K. {¥}*
Kim says
Mike
I "stumbled" upon this blog today. It was a God send ,and I needed to read it. And, while reading some of the comments, my heart went out to you. I don't know your current situation today ,but my heart goes out to you. I AM TRULY PRAYING FOR YOU!!
Sasha Robinson says
I really needed this. I've been going through a situation where I tried to forgive the two people involved that hurt me and it blew up in my face. Thinking back over the whole situation I've been angry with these people for going on three years now! I've been reading the word consistently for about two months now. But it wasn't until tonight that I realized, I need to search the word for what God wants to change within ME. Not to figure what is a sin, what I can't do, but what God wants me to change within myself. I look forward to being so much happier once I read these scriptures and start to crawl out of this hole I've been in! Thank you for this article!
Stephanie says
My mother-in-law of 25 years has shown favoritism to her daughter Dawn and her three children. It angers me to the core. She has taken Dawn's three children over 100 weeks. She has fed them, provided free child care, provided vacations and spoiled them. She has taken our 3 daughters zero weeks. Now all three of our children are adults. It's too late and what is done can not be undone. My own mother died just 19 days after our oldest turned 6 and 15 days before our youngest turned one. Month after month turned into year after year. Now at this place in my life, I can't stand to be around her or my sister-in-law or her kids. There just doesn't appear to be any remorse or ownership of wrong doing.
I understand and know that I need to forgive. But I just can't seem to move past my anger. I think it's partly because they keep doing it even though they know what damage they have done. There is no one for me to talk to. My husband is a wonderful man that loves me and our children very much but he defends his mom and sister always. I feel alone, sad and constantly angry. Please pray for me. Thanks.
Tara Ziegmont says
My mother died when my kids were very small, too. That alone has been a terrible burden to bear. I am so sorry for your loss and the difficulties you are having with your MIL.
Erika says
I believe your anger extends from the fact that his mother becomes your mother (like Ruth and Naomi) and since she didn't step to the plate and help and console you, the spirit of bitterness came through and invited his friend anger and soon resentment.. Please look at this from a different perspective, maybe his mom isn't the right person to pour into your life or your kids lives.. Maybe GOD blocked her out and harden her heart like HE did to pharoah so it cld elevate you higher.. Time has gone away but if you can uproot those spirits out of your system, you'll be happier and more fulfilled.. Sadly, the mother in law doesn't have a whole bunch of living to do and she just might leave this earth bitter towards you.. But you gotta focus on GOD so HE can do great things with you..
KAK says
Pray for them and healing....all things in life can be undone.
All things are lessons GOD would have us learn.
Go to your heart, where GOD LIVES, ask him for guidance.
Resentment never helps GOD, help you..
Remember love and forgiveness from your heart.
1 Corinthians 13:1-13 ESV / 128 helpful votes
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ...
Leslie says
Oh Stephanie....I could have written this word for word. We have the same issues with my in laws. Husband always defends them. I am constantly in a state of feeling like "they are ok, I am not ok". No one will address it....it is just easier to sweep it under the rug. After 19 years of living like this, I am just not sure if I can "forgive and forget". Every time I have, something else happens to start the vicious cycle over again. I am truly miserable right now. I just do not know how to deal with it or if I can get past it.
Abby says
I AM going to pray for you. Will you please pray for me? I am Abby. I struggle with anger and bitterness in a similar way as you Do. I have 3 little ones and my mother has never helped my...though she lives 5 miles away. She has always been terribly self centered. I have let years of lonliness and heartache grow into bitterness...and anger. Seeing my friends have loving supportive mothers brings me to tears...but then my anger takes hold...towards my mom, towards my friends etc. I am tired of being bitter. I am going to begin a journey to heal my heart. I will carry an intention of prayer for you heart as well. Is it possible to regain a tender heart? I truly hope so.
Bill McDonald says
Abby - I am here tonight reading all the issues people have in their lives as I am wrestling with anger toward my 41 year old son. He is a wonderful young man but is always right. I have given my life to him, I guess to get a thanks Dad. He use to say those words of thanks but his lack of love for his wife has hardened him to life in general as I became hardened toward his mother. I began to look at myself and began asking God to make me find where I am wrong. God completely softened my heart again to my wife and changed our marriage. Tonight I am reading stories about others and asking God to give me the change I need toward the feelings I have developed toward my son. I have experienced that tender heart change through prayer for my wife. God will lead me there with my son and he will do that for you with your mother. So yes it is possible
Alicia says
These articles are a great way for us to pray for each other without ceasing as the word of God says and see him perfect everything that concerns us. May God show his Mercy and Grace to us all! Amen
CStub says
Thank you so much for this post. This morning I got up and felt unsettled because I kept dwelling on the wrongs that I've endured. I prayed and just talked to God about it when He revealed to me that I'd been harbouring bitterness and resentment in my heart and I must let it go. I've held on to these ill feelings for years and I know God is saying it's time for me to let go. Reading this post has opened my eyes to so much and I find peace in knowing that I'm not alone. We will all get through this together.
Tricia says
I don't want this evil mess anymore and feel I lacked power and understanding. I want peace and love with God family self. I want bitterness to stop consuming me. I have not felt power of God in yrs. I want out of flesh and world. I mad many mistakes
Oluwafemi Osilaja says
BELOW IS WHAT I DID WRONG AT MY PLACE OF WORK ON MY BIRTHDAY ON THE 21st January 2016 THAT LED TO ME BEING SUSPENDED TILL NOW... ALL OF THESE IS PART OF BEING ANGRY:
On Monday 11th January, 2016 I gave the MD's car key to the office driver to warm the car at about 8:30am and I continued with my work that I have to do in the office for that day. At about 2:30pm when I got back at my desk after the stock taking that I went for Susan asked why I didn't supervise the warming of MD's car and why I didn't ask the driver for the car back. I replied her that why should I always remind the driver to bring the key back every time I give him, why do you always blame me for what the driver gets to do wrong and she said I don't always take corrections. With that I left my desk to look for the driver to collect the key. I was told he is not around so I asked that he should be told to please see me when he is back. I collected the key from him later and kept it back.
After the close of work that day outside the gate, Susan called me and said " Never in your life should you repeat what you did today again with me". At first I didn't understand what she was talking about. Later when I realize it has to do with the key the driver didn't return in time I replied her saying " you too never blame me for the things the driver did wrong". She faced Henry and said " Note this, query for her tomorrow". So I said she should give me query and report me. I left and sent her a message to show how sad I was over the whole issue and I told her that when she reports me, and MD gets mad at me, I will explain all that has been happening in the office to MD.
The next day she didn't give me query and work continued like that through out the week without we speaking to each other personally just official. Few days to my birthday I tried joking with her, she smiled a bit but still kept her straight look.
On the 21st January which happens to be my birthday, after some minutes of being in the office, I asked her if she forgot today is my birthday and she replied saying " happy birthday Femi, I have so much on my mind and I said " I believe you forgot because of the things you have on your mind". She replied and said " Femi even if you don't believe me I don't care and it's not important". So I walked up her and said " Susan please let's stop this, let's talk, you have to talk to me and you have to smile and be happy" . She got up immediately and said " Femi no no no no pleaseeeeee I don't want to have any discussion with you, just leave me alone". And I said I won't leave you, I kept on blocking her way from walking away from there. Her face was so bitter, I kept on forcing it and I got emotional with it all crying and pushing her back. In the process I fell her down. I left her after the gateman came in. When the gateman left she went to the bathroom and I followed her just to see if she will let me talk calmly with her. I tried to lock the door but she kept on saying I should leave her alone and she push me and left the bathroom.
She reported the matter to Mr. Tim when he got to the office and he scolded me. I later told him to help me beg Susan that am sorry I didn't mean the whole thing the way it happened; I only wanted to settle things with her but I did it forcefully. I apologized severally to her on my own and She accepted the apology and we all went home that day.
The next day when I got to the office she sent me a message to say she has reported me to my Guardian/Mother and that she has told her that she believes its spiritual and that she should look for help to pray for me about it. She also said she will report the issue officially to the MD when he returns and I pleaded and said it won't happen again. She now said she will make it mild. I said it's okay to let the MD know. In my mind I decided I will report myself to the MD when he returns before Susan tells him but when it was 4:25pm that same day the MD called and said he saw some things that happened on cctv and asked questions about what happened. I told him and every other person spoke to him as well. He said I was wrong and asked that I drop my Identity card and every other office documents that are with me and he suspended me till he gets back and I hear from him.
I am so worried and scared of the future. By the grace of God I will be getting married this year; I need help, I don't want live my life being controlled my ANGER...God help me
KAK says
1. The version found written on the wall in Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta:
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
-this version is credited to Mother Teresa
____________________________
Sparrow17 says
Dear friend, you need to get help from the right person. Yes, pray. But also see a health professional. It sounds like you may have a problem that needs qualified support and management.
Jenn C says
This post truly helped me get grounded about a situation in which one of my very best friends hurt me today. I don't have the answers, but I know I need to put that knawing and thudded pain in my chest from being hurt by someone I love to the side, at least for tonight, and sleep on it. I know we will work it out because we have been good friends for 33 years, but for tonight, I need to pray for peace, calmness and perspective.
Thank you for putting these wise words out there....they make so much sense to me.
God bless you.
Susie says
Thank you for posting these thoughts and scripture passages. You have really helped my heart to begin healing.
Col b says
Here's the situation that I need Godly advice on what to do, say, and feel....For 5 years now I have been wanting a larger camper at our seasonal campground. Right now I have a retro, super mini one that has no bathroom in it, just a full size bed and a place to eat, the sink doesn't even work because my husband says it's too difficult to fix..we are both in our mid 50's.I have to climb over him just to get into the bed, he keeps telling me year after year,..next year we will get a bigger camper, so every year around this time I look for a camper and find one and he says ...No! He won't spend the money. So this year is no different, except I found the perfect camper, perfect price everything about it I totally loved, only $4000...I told him how much I wanted it, but again he was put off, he never spends any money on anything, even me... so here's the dilemma. ..my sister in law, whom I love dearly, who has been my spiritual mentor for 25+years, decides this year that her and her hubby, (who is my husband's brother), want to get a camper and get a seasonal site where I have my camper...we went to go look at the one I had picked out for me and she bought it, so now I have to see her with a nice camper that I wanted so very much and I have to stick with my tiny camper that is from the 50's and it only fit for 2 people,..I am so angry with my husband and God for not blessing me with my desire...HE promises to give us the desires of our hearts, well He didn't and He says He rewards those who diligently seek Him...I have been diligently seeking, teaching, sharing the gospel message however and whenever I can, I am ALWAYS putting others first and taking a back seat, and I am just sooooooooooo sad that again, the blessings fall all around me, but never on me....how do I overcome this? Just typing this seems so selfish...but I am humbly coming and asking for prayer and guidance....
KAK says
ALL things are Lessons GOD would have us learn...perhaps you haven't learned the lesson...yet.
KAK says
Some don't have a home...be grateful for what you have, not angry for what you want.
Trish Holbrook says
I understand completely. It is a very human emotion, envy. Everyone who is honest will admit they, too, struggle with resentment over seemingly unfair circumstances.
I dont have anything to say that you dont already know. Sometimes, situations are simply unjust and it hurts. The only thing I can say is that whike others might give you advice, rebuke or chastise you, the only one who who truly understands your feelings, is Jesus.
Find some time to be alone and sit at His feet and say all the things you need to. No use hiding anything. He already knows.
Take your Bible with you. Feel free to do whatever it is you need to. Cry, yell and how unfair it is, how unimportant and insecure this makes you feel. Then, after its all out, be still. He will speak to you exactly what you need to hear. He dearly lives you, and He Sees all.
This earth is full of injustice. Pled your case before the King of Kings , who happens to be Your Heavenly Father.
I know you truly feel happy that your sister in law is blessed. You just hurt. You need His Wisdom and comfort. He will answer you in ways no person can. He knows your deeper need. Praying for you!
Sher says
Amen. Only in the presence of Jesus can the answer be found.
Katrina says
Thank you for writing this. It really encouraged me.
KAK says
You're welcome....when all feels lost and without hope, look into your heart where GOD lives....
You'll always know what the answer is....
Mary says
Tara,
I'm tempted to write that I don't know how this older post popped up on Google right when I needed it, but we both know God is using your writing in miraculous ways!
I just want you to know your powerful, thoughtful posts are still helping people even a year later!
Thank you. And God bless you to keep up the good, healing work.
Tara Ziegmont says
There are no accidents. 🙂
Dondre says
I really appreciate this!! Really needed this reminder of what love [for your enemies] entails of.
Julene Anderson says
I have been dealing with anger and hatred for years now and someone took the time to make me understand that God forgives and loves me so why should it be too hard to love my enemies. I am feeling better after I read these scriptures Lord please help me to forgive and love others as you love me.
Jex says
Thank you for your post.I am so full of anger and the words that come out of my mouth are destroying.
I fail to let go of the hurt that has been caused to me.
Denise says
What am I trying to hide? What is the vulnerable problem that I am trying to hide?
My fiance left me two months ago because he said being with me was hard. I was physically there for him and financially when he couldn't support himself. I feel used. I basically dried up my savings for him and drove him everywhere because he said public transit makes him anxious. I am angry because he said it was hard being with me when I did my best to make his life easy. We are graduating from college, both 25. I even helped him a lot with school. I took my time out to make sure his essays were perfect. How could he say it was hard? Because I got angry when he told me i should just listen to him? because everytime we fight he said it was my fault? i am so angry. There are days when I pray and I feel like I have forgiven him, but there are moments where I am filled with rage. I know forgiveness is a choice that needs to be made everyday, but I just want to be done with him. Sometimes I think I am angry because I still love him. What should I do? I pray and sometimes I am free from this anger. What is the real problem here?
Sarrah says
I know I'm a little late in this reply, but I went through similar situations. I have had more than my fair share of poisonous relationships. This is what that sounds like to me. My most recent one didn't even give me the decency of an explanation... He just halted all communications with me... ( it was a long distance relationship, we knew each other from the past and where good friends before... so I trusted him). He took the cowards way out, and it was extremely cruel of him... Worst of all, I am a single mother, so I wasn't the only casualty here... my teenage son and my elementary school aged daughter were hurt as well... But I have learned one thing here in relationships... You have to let go, Let God take over and heal your heart. Holding onto that anger will only make you bitter. You can't keep wondering what YOU did, when clearly you know that you were going above and beyond for him... It sounds very similar to the relationship I had with my kids' father... I did EVERYTHING.... Work, paid the bills, went to school, cleaned the house, took care of the kids, etc. while he slept and putzed around on the computer... He blamed me for everything... and was abusive to boot. I left when he kicked my son. Now, I'm not saying I am a guru at letting go and letting God take over... I still have trouble with anger and resentment, but now I recognize it for what it truly is... You CANNOT change what others say, think, feel, or do.... You can only change yourself.... Holding onto that anger towards the other person (your ex) won't make him loose any sleep, it will only make YOU miserable... As for my most recent ex.... (broken up as of late April 2016) Yes, I still think of him... I still love him... but I HIGHLY doubt we would ever get back together again.... mountains would have to be moved...lol. This is a recent breakup for you as well I believe, so give it time... God will heal your heart and bring you the MAN that he wants for you to have .
Lorie says
My daughter is having problems with a female teacher at school. She tries to be nice to her says hello asks if she can help the teacher etc The teacher has it out for my daughter she is very rude and tells her to leave the class every time. My daughter wants to learn not be sent to a library to do homework. My daughter is taking courses for her leadership this is her future desires and wants to help others and be a team leader. This teacher is ruining her values in life. She tells the principal that she is a problem. I know its been a hard 2 years especially this year my daughter trying to help at home with her sister overcoming her fears with court from a drunk driver that injured her and her friend that was killed from the car crash. My daughter has done alot of good things volunteered her time and helped others through this tragedy. I feel that this teacher is being very unfair hurtful and bitter towards my daughter. She cant let things go in the past she wanted my daughter and her friend to write a letter of apology for being rude in class. Which my daughter was rude in every way because teacher gave a few minutes to use a washroom and my daughter was ten minutes and she has a medical condition and the teacher is being unreasonable not letting her go at times. My daughter wrote the letter now the teacher wont let her back in class wants a new letter because it wasnt good enough she said. My daughter is upset and doesnt understand what is wrong with this teacher my mom even wants to meet with this teacher and she is not responding to the parent either. We all feel this teacher has too much resentment and is manifesting so much anger and taking it out on my daughter each day. What should we do? and the principal is not responding either who do we turn to so my daughter can go to class and learn not be rejected and thrown out for no reason. Thankyou a concerned parent
Good ness says
I just was very angry and although I'd like to say something like, " gosh, this is a terrible thing that just happened" because I blew up, I cannot seem to imagine it helping, what would Jesus do? Not act like this in the first place.
Terry Wollersheim says
I was feeling a lot of resentment about a situation so I googled 'prayer for when one is experiencing resentment'. I was rewarded with this article. I've read it twice & shared it with a friend. I've saved it one of my Pinterest boards because I am positive I will need to study it again and again. God spoke to me through this article and I truly am humbled. And, I now know what I need to do. Thank you sooooo much. May God bless you.
Cindy says
Thank you for writing these words. I am praying scripture over my situation. I cannot change a person, they must be willing to make a chamge. Anger that leads to physical abuse is never good. I'm praying God can change the heart.
wendy says
Hi,
I am feeling extremely angry and hurt at the same time towards my Mom. She is 81 years of age and after treating her well and taking care of her most of the time, she now accuses me of stealing her money which I have no knowledge of, was extremely rude and used abusive language and even told me I should not attend her funeral if she dies. How do I live day to day for being falsely accused, and think all is okay
Sparrow17 says
Feel so sad for you... your comment was two years ago so by now you probably know that your Mom has dementia. It's not her fault, and it's not yours. She is angry with the disease and her own feelings of confusion and helplessness, and expresses that in the form of anger towards you. Focus on the good memories and pray for peace in your Mom's heart and mind.
Francisca says
This is helpful. praise be to God. I am a very angry person and can get worked up so fast. My anger many a times has led me to be insolent and I viewed my insolence as my defence mechanism whenever I get hurt. I have lost many friends because of my quick to anger personality. I know am a good loving woman who doesnt like hurting people but if a person crosses my path, I get really angry and floodgates od insults is what follows in retaliation. There is this guy we have been trying to build a relationship together. Whenever he doesn't pick my calls or reply my texts, I get really angry and I only feel better when I rain insults on him. He wrongs me by ignoring and neglecting me yet he knows I love him deeply. whenever I calm down, I realize my mistakes and ask for forgiveness which he always gives. one amazing thing is that he is always calm through my insults and never picks a fight. the other day he said he couldn't take it any more and said he couldnt be in a relatiomship now coz he is busy. I took it as a polite way of letting me go.This time around I didn't insult him, I thanked him coz for a long time I felt neglected and ignored. it hurt my emotions coz I couldnt let go when I loved greatly. I went down on my knees, and cried to God to help me pick myself up and move on. Am doing okay so far and I hope God continues to guide me. I came by this article while searching for verses to help me overcome anger and letting go. please intercede for me its a difficult journey but I want to move on and be a better person. I don't want to hurt the next man in my life. God bleas
Andrei Isayeu says
Hello
My name is Andrei Isayeu
God Almighty wants me to encourage you with this Words of Life:
If you feel down, lost, broken, depressed, lonely, angry, sad, not satisfied, upset, frustrated and not worth of anything good is because of this:
You are hurting inside, but God can fix any problem that you are dealing with.
God Loves you and He proved His Love towards you by giving His only Begotten Son Jesus Christ for punishment, crucifixion, and death, the Good News is that Christ has Risen on the 3rd day after He was buried.
No matter how many times you failed in your life I want you to know this:
You are not a failure, but you are a Treasure before God!!!!
You have a Value and Purpose!!!!
No matter how many mistakes you made in your life, you are not a mistake, but you are an Instrument that God is able to use to transform lives!!!!
For more encouragement please visit my website at jesussavesalltheworld.webs.com
Or watch me on YouTube.
Thank you!
I love you with Gods Love Unconditionally!
I will pray for you!
Sent from my iPhone
Elizabeth says
Everything that say here it really helps me because I always angry I feel like it every body fault but read his I need to get on my knee and pray to god because he the only one that can help I love you god
ANGEL says
This is helping me see this on here. I'm going through a rough time in my life. A year ago I gave birth to a beautiful little boy. My ex would leave us at home and b gone all weekend along and not come home until he had to go to work. He went to Texas for a business trip and the night before he was suppose to leave to come home he spelt with a woman there. I didn't know until I seen pictures in his phone. I kinda let that go and one day it hit me, that it was real and not a dream. So we fought and I kicked him out. And every since then he hasn't came and seen our son, he is with another woman with a child. I have so much hate for him and bringing back God into my life is helping with his hate I have for him. I forgive him for what he had done just I can't seem to forget how much damage he has done to my son and I
Lee says
Hi Tara, thank you so much for this inspiring article. At the beginning of the article you mentioned that anger is something that masks a more vulnerable emotion. What is that?
Tara Ziegmont says
It's different in every situation. You need to evaluate your feelings and discover what else is hiding beneath the anger - is it fear, jealousy, hurt, sadness, etc.