The Bible is the ultimate resource for overcoming any negative emotion, especially anger. Find encouragement in scripture as you explore and resolve your angry feelings and resentment.
About a week ago, I received an email from a reader. She saw my post on overcoming disappointment, and she asked if I could help her. She is suffering in an unbearably unjust situation, and she is angry and resentful at the person causing it.
I can't share her whole story, but the details are unimportant. Your anger and resentment are as real and honest and justified as hers are. They're understandable.
And she's looking for answers, just like you are.
I prayed about this woman and her family, and I prayed for you. I prayed that God would give me the words to help both of you.
My therapist says that anger is always masking a more vulnerable emotion. I think it's helpful to look at that more vulnerable emotion and to deal with that, but you can come back to that later. For now, let's just talk about the emotions you're feeling.
12 Bible Verses & 5 Steps to Overcoming Anger and Resentment
Concrete steps make sense to me. Give me a numbered list, and I'm a happy camper. So I created a numbered list for you.
Following the steps isn't as easy as 1-2-3. The steps are where the real work lies. I am praying that you are challenged by these steps, and that you find a way to get through them all.
- Control your temper. (Let's start right away with the hard stuff!)
When people mistreat us and there's nothing we can do about it, we get mad. It isn't fair. Parents see it in their young children who are constantly on the lookout to make sure everything is fair.
The gut reaction to get upset in the face of unfairness never really goes away. God's Word says that we are to control our tempers, even in the face of unfairness.
Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs. -Proverbs 19:11
Earn respect. What if the respect of men isn't what you're after?
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. -James 1:19-20
The righteousness God desires. Ouch. We may be able to brush off the respect of men, but the righteousness of God doesn't go away so easily.
Do to others as you would like them to do to you. -Luke 6:31
When we overlook wrongs, we treat others the way we want to be treated. But what if the wrong is something really big? What if we can't just get over it?
We still have choices. If the wrong is something monumental - abuse, neglect, criminal - then DO SOMETHING. Don't just get angry, but take action. Enlist the help of someone who can stop it.
The reader who wrote to me has endured her situation for five months. Certainly, she has been slow to anger. But now, she is furious.
What next?
2. Don't let your feelings control you. God recognizes that sometimes, we do get angry. Often, we need to in order to remedy a situation or to spur us on to action.
Don't sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent. -Psalm 4:4
He is saying to think about your situation, and see if it merits getting upset.
Are you saying something like, "YES! It does! I have a right to be mad. Is that wrong?"
Being upset isn't a sin, but being controlled by your feelings is.
And don't sin by letting anger control you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. -Ephesians 4:26-27
So you're there. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry. Find a way to work it out, pray through it, move past it before you give the devil an in-road to your psyche.
Need a pick-me-up? Go do something kind for someone. Volunteer your time. Do good, forgetting about the person who's made you angry for a while.
Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper - it only leads to harm. -Psalm 37:8
All scriptures are God-breathed, right? Every word is true. So what of this? Stop being angry?! How do you just stop?
3. You pray. Pray for yourself. Pray for the person who is making you have big feelings. Pray for the situation. Pray that your heart will be softened and you'll forgive.
People can't change people. Only God can change people.
Right now, YOU need to be changed, and the person who's hurt you needs to be changed. Give yourself permission to just focus on you for now. Ask God to change you and get rid of your anger despite the rotten situation you're in.
But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. -Colossians 3:8, 12-13
You are holy and beloved, my friend. You are, and you deserve better than what these feelings are doing to you.
4. Forgive. I said these steps weren't going to be easy. Pray that you can forgive the person who's hurt you. Pray it every day, every hour, every minute if you have to. (What if it's too hard? Here are more Bible verses to help you with forgiveness.)
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. -Ephesians 4:31-32
It's the Golden Rule again. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Treat the person who's hurt you with the same tenderhearted kindness that you treat your kids with.
I heard once that holding unforgiveness in your heart is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Unforgiveness is toxic to your soul. It affects every part of your life, and it manifests in sickness, in tension, and in anger.
Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. -Luke 6:37
We are required to forgive as the Father has forgiven us. It is not optional - and it does not come easily.
5. Love. Forgiveness is one thing, but loving is another thing entirely. Loving your enemy - the very person who's hurt you - is also required by scripture.
Not suggested, required.
The very thought makes me feel sick for you.
You don't want to act in a loving way towards the person who's hurt you. Not at all.
That's where prayer comes in again. Pray that you'll have compassion and kindness for that person. (And keep praying it until it happens.)
Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked. -Luke 6:35
This passage goes on to say that even sinners are kind to those who love them, but it takes something special to be kind to an enemy.
You see, we don't get to have vengeance. It's not ours; it's God's alone. We are called to love God and love one another, the end.
Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God.
For the Scriptures say,
"I will take revenge;
I will pay them back,"
says the Lord.Instead, If your enemies are hungry, feed them.
If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap
burning coals of shame on their heads.Don't let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good. -Romans 12:17-21
You see, Jesus didn't just die for you, my righteous friend. He died for the person who's hurt you, too. He loves both of you the same. It doesn't seem fair (there's a parable about that), but it is so.
Jesus died for both of you because you're both sinners.
Different stories, different sins, same black marks.
For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. -1 Thessalonians 5:9-11
Save these Bible verses on anger and resentment in a convenient black and white printable below. You can work on memorizing and meditating on them, one at a time.
If you need help with a system for memorizing verses, check out this post on our family's memorization habit.
While you're here, check out these other Bible-based posts:
- A Grateful Heart - 2 Week Printable Bible Study on Gratitude & Thankfulness
- 23 Bible Verses on Loneliness
- 10 Bible Verses to Overcome Anxiety & Worry
- 13 Bible Verses to Encourage You in Times of Stress
- Who Does God Say I Am? 20 Biblical Truths & Affirmations For Every Christian
Lisa says
Thank you Tara for your words of wisdom. I had googled "overcoming resentment" and was led to your site. I have a wonderful Christian husband and God has blessed us so. However, I feel such resentment and anger at times. My spouse hurt his back and retired ten years ago. His back healed and he was in kung fu classes everyday. He works about 20 days per year teaching. Since his retirement, I realized that retirement wasn't in the cards for me for a long while. I have been sick with Fibromyalgia for years and had been close to going on disability. God was there for me again and I found a wonderful treatment, so am not so sick, but, get flare ups frequently. I know God has led me to my job. But, I feel my spouse should step up to the plate. These thoughts run through my head over and over. I pray daily for love and forgiveness and the next day, I have to start all over again. I feel I have been taken advantage of and done wrong. But, on the other hand, God has led me to my job and in so many other ways. I can't seem to come to terms with the thought that maybe this is what God wants for my life. I was raised in a strict Baptist home and was told a husband would take care of me. It is surely the other way around here. I know God has blessed us because my spouse spends so much time in studying and prayer. On the other hand, I am so jealous that I don't have that time too! I feel like a lost child who wants to tantrum. I certainly could use prayers from anyone!
Ashli says
Where is the link to download the bible verse for this post?
Tara Ziegmont says
I emailed them to you.
Ashli says
Thank you.
CharlondaTaylor says
Thank you.
Barbie says
This is a wonderful post. I'm bookmarking it to come back to and remind myself every time. Feeling angry and resentful truly sucks and I believe can cause serious health issues if carried on too long. Personally, it's hard for me to get over being angry when someone does me wrong or someone I love wrong. Most of the time, I stand up and say something. But I'm finding in a lot of cases, the behavior doesn't change nor does my anger and resentment go away. It's hard to know when to say and not say something and how to say it if it must be said. And it's also hard to get past the anger and resentment when something goes unresolved. Your post gave me hope and I see it as a guide for what to do when I'm feeling angry. Thank you.
Loulou says
I’ve been struggling for 7 years with my next door neighbors. They called me a gook and the C word plus during the past 7 years gave my Elementary son at the time the middle fingers stopped in tongues out at him. They cursed at us made fun of me and my son because we were both adopted. They tell lies about us to our neighbors which I have all on video because we had to get the ring to record everything we call the cops on them a few times… And still to this day I can’t seem to f Elementary son at the time the middle finger is stuck them tongues out at him. They cursed at us made fun of me and my son because we were both adopted. They tell lies about us to our neighbors which I have all on video because we had to get the ring to record everything we call the cops on them a few times… And still to this day I can’t seem to forgifr them. I’ve already let the enemy into my mind and unfortunately he keeps using them as a tool. Their backyard is right into my bedroom and I hear every word and I tense up when I hear them come home from work..
I’m going to print this out and re read it and pray these steps. I hope this works in my heart. Im desperate
Dumped, But Not Unloved says
I was broken up with about a month ago by a guy who I thought was going to be the man I marry. We had a very grownup and civilized breakup, I never felt any anger towards him, even though it was not what I wanted at all. This evening however I all of a sudden got so angry at him. For hurting me, for not telling me that he didn’t feel the same way sooner, for wasting my time... basically for everything. I literally Googled “Bible verse when angry at ex” and found this article. Thank you soooo much. I had a very emotional chat to God afterwards. Although I don’t completely understand his decisions for walking away, God does, He knows exactly what his state of mind and worries were when he decided that this was not what he wanted. And that should be the most important part. So I prayed for my heart to heal, but also for his...he needs a higher power, a Fatherly love, just as much as I do. And at this moment, I feel relieved, not because my hurt is over, but because I know that God is taking care of the both of us, in His time, in His way.
Clare says
One thing you perhaps don't appreciate is that God has a plan for you. He knows exactly what He is doing. It may well be that God doesn't want YOU to be with this man & that is why this situation happened. I think He has someone He has chosen for you & this is all part of His plan for you. God always brings something good out of something bad. It says so, clearly, in scripture. God knows what He is doing.
Clare says
I also have to say, that it was this man's loss. You express no ill will towards him, only love & concern. I think he is a very foolish man.
Dumped but not unlobed says
I saw him at a function this weekend. It broke me, I kept my pose the whole evening, but I’ve been struggling emotionally ever since. I feel so deeply for him, those feelings haven’t gone away. And it really breaks my heart that he’s not in my life.
Rich says
I resent GOD himself after 50 years of hell , unkind and unjust. GOD doesn't give love to all GODS children and that doesn't make any sense. Why does GOD need our love, I've praised GOD for year after year only to get sh** no. time and again. The same I didn't ask to be born. Born into a bad family that didn't show any love. I had a brother that killed himself because of are up bringing. I've been set on fire and later had a finger ripped off my body. ANGER yes unless you've had one or the other you can deal with pain but both and not at the same time you are going to be ANGER. So where is GODS love, playing a hide and seek game is very childish.
Tara Ziegmont says
I'm sorry that you're hurting. You may find a little comfort in this post, on Bible verses for when you're mad at God https://feelslikehomeblog.com/2016/11/10-bible-verses-for-when-youre-mad-at-god/
Clare Bonnar says
Rich,
What you have written is reality - it is he'll on earth that you have been through. No-one can really understand what you've been through unless they've experienced it themselves.
God is good. God doesn't cause evil. Evil & hurt & pain are caused by human beings - all over the world, to other human beings - every day. Other people did these things to you, not God.
However, here comes the really hard part to get your head round. It is God who permits these things to happen, so none of them would have happened unless He permitted it.
Now, you will ask WHY? Why did He permit these things to happen to you?
Well it says in the Bible that God will turn everything round that was BAD, into GOOD. How, we don't know.
You are right to ask all the questions that you ask & to feel the rage that you do. I assume it must be rage.
God is the only one who can save you & help you and He will, if you ask him to & turn to Him & submit yourself to Him & trust Him.
May God bless you & show you His love for you.
Believe it or not, He doesn't love you any less than anyone else, even though you appear to have had a terribly difficult life.
Michelle says
Not that long ago, I saw a person from my past (one of many instruments, used by Satan, to mistreat me) and almost lost it completely.. Something dark took over me. So much so that, before I knew it, I was about to head over towards this person to kill them. I wasn't even thinking. No. I was on complete auto pilot. Blind rage. However, thanks be to GOD!!! because I was walking with a friend, who was on my left at the time, and it was when I accidentally bumped into them that my common sense kicked in. Anyway, the reason why I bring up this horrible experience is because it literally took that incident to make me realise that I still have a problem with anger. So, just wanted to thank you ever so much for sharing the above with us all. As well as continuing to pray for them (which has helped), I will now also pray that He gives me a loving, forgiving and compassionate heart.. so that I will continue to do His will and bring glory to His precious and Holy name. Thank you again. M
mike says
Whenever the approaches of a humanity remember our creator, He gets even his enemies to go at peace with him. Proverbs 16: 7 The serenity of the Father is sufficient for your requirements, for every issue, for every difficulty , for everything problem of life and serenity despite the wicked who are against you. The Creator is truly an employee of serenity and it is integrated in the business of bringing serenity to his beings .
James says
The Lord has given me the grace to identify that anger has been a major problem in my life right now because it has taken everything I had. But now I say NO to anger, I'm ready for a change of life and a great testimony. God I rededicate my life to you. Give me your holy spirit to help and comfort me. Lead me according to your path of righteousness. Amen
Sara says
Thank you so much for this. I left my job because my boss keeps on accusing me of bad things I never did. It's hard to choose between a hungry stomach and my worth as a person but I can't take it anymore and I hate him. I pray God helps me find peace and forgiveness.