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Cancer

On Grief, Moving On, and the Movie that Made Me Cry Myself to Sleep

Moving on when you're stuck in grief - Grieving is so hard and sad, but it is so true that the only way through it is through it. Words and truths from my life when I lost my mom and watched a movie called Hachi about a dog who waited his entire life for his owner to come home. The feelings of the heart are real, and saying I miss you is natural, but letting go is beautiful and natural and essential.

It has been a very long time since a movie wrecked me and made me cry myself to sleep. It’s happened maybe never before, but it happened yesterday. Grace and I wanted to watch a movie together, and I picked Hachi over her objection. The premise is that a man (Richard Gere {swoon}) finds a puppy at the train station, raises him, and then dies, leaving the devoted puppy to wait for him at the train station for the rest of its life – nine long years. I have no idea what made me think watching this movie was a … Read more

Everything’s Not Fine

Grief is a funny thing. I’ll go for weeks, feeling mostly okay, not missing her so badly, not crying for days and days. Then BAM! My gaze lands on the picture of my parents at my wedding. Or when I agreed to make plans to go out to eat on Thanksgiving because being at home without her and her perfect turkey gravy is just too hard. Or when my husband and kids decorated the giant Christmas tree that she bought when I was a little girl. Or when made out my Christmas gift planning list and write her name after … Read more

Sleep Pink to Support the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer

You know you have a good friend when you send her an email that says, “Can you wear pink pajamas to our next Bible study? And can I take your picture and put it on my blog?” and the she says yes. So that’s what happened. Here’s why. October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  It takes less time to get a mammogram than it takes to get a pedicure. You have the time; stop making excuses. Sleep Pink During Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Sleep Pink is a national movement of pink-themed pajama parties meant to celebrate breast cancer survivors, … Read more

It Never Goes Away, But It Does Get Better

Before your first child is born, you think you understand parenthood. You are sure you’re prepared. You have strong opinions and all the answers. Then the baby comes, and you realize that you didn’t even know how much you didn’t know. You realize that you were clueless and completely unprepared for the reality of parenting. You understand that all parents share a special bond because we’ve all experienced the same floundering. You realize that no one without children can comprehend the confusing mix of emotions you’re experiencing or the depth of those feelings. Losing your mother is just like becoming … Read more

Stronger Than We Think We Are

I have the news on in the background while I’m writing, and Robin Roberts just said, “We’re all a little bit stronger than we think we are.” I know that to be true. I didn’t write for a week, not even in my head (which anyone who writes knows is nearly impossible), but my life didn’t slow down. Life never slows down. It doesn’t matter if you’re sad or sick or tired, the world keeps turning, and your kids keep needing to be watched and dressed and fed and educated and entertained. In short, they still need their mom. They … Read more

Coping and Making Memories

It’s hard to make happy family memories with your kids while your mother is slowly slipping away. Impossibly hard. Questioning God hard. Crying alone in the dark late at night hard. It’s so unfair. Neither is it appropriate for my kids to see me moping through my life, mired in depression and self-pity. (Allie asks What happened? Why Mommy cryin’? Mommy sad? way more than I think is acceptable.) When we’re not otherwise occupied with camps or playdates or helping Grandma and Pappy, we spend a lot of time at Hersheypark. It’s a convenient escape. We hike up and down … Read more