I am a geek. I've been using a computer since I was 3, and I have always had a strong zeal for all things related.
I was (almost) delighted to have lost my ancient iPhone 3 last fall. I looked for it diligently for three days, and then I bought a new phone, an iPhone 4S with Siri.
I was giddy over Siri.
But then we met, and it turns out neither of us likes the other very much.
Here are some examples of how she has steered me wrong in huge ways:
The Gay Bar Incident
My grandparents are just about as conservative as any human being could be. They attend a Lutheran church weekly, and they don't allow alcohol or bad language in their home. They're hard-core.
For my pap's 90th birthday, the family agreed to meet at a restaurant called the J-Barn.Ã‚ I'd been there once before but had no idea how to return. Plus, I was driving in from Old Grandma's house by myself. I'd gotten as close as I knew how, and I needed directions.
I thought this was a perfect time to use Siri.
"I need directions to the J-Barn in Sarver, Pennsylvania," I told her.
"There are no gay bars in Sarver, Pennsylvania," she responded.
I was so shocked that I looked at my car's speaker, dumbfounded.
"I need directions to the Jay BarNN," I tried again, enunciating so much that Grace asked why I was talking so funny.
"Okay, finding the nearest gay bar," she responded.
I tried spelling. "Get me directions to the J-B-A-R-N in Sarver, Pennsylvania."
"Tara (apparently, my emotionless computer voice was getting annoyed), I can't find any gay bars in Sarver, Pennsylvania."
I hung up and got directions myself using the little map app.
This one was less funny, but no less frustrating.
"What's the weather going to be like tomorrow?" I asked her while sitting on Old Grandma's porch.
"Here's the weather forecast for Turkey, Texas," she chirped.
"I need the weather forecast for Pennsylvania," I sighed.
"Here's the weather forecast for Turkey, Texas."
"No! Not Turkey, Texas! Here! Zip code 1-2-3-4-5" (which is obviously not correct, but you get the point).
"Here's the weather forecast for Turkey, Texas," she repeated. I turned her off and opened my Weather Channel app.
I want to like Siri.
Really, I do. I want to find her useful. I want her to revolutionize my phone usage.
Like that guy who was so cute but totally obnoxious, I like the idea of Siri much more than the actual interactions we've had.
I think it may be time to break up.