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    See More:   Family Mental Health My Life Self-Care

    Last Modified: Sep 24, 2018 by Tara Ziegmont 41 Comments

    She is Gone

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    SHARES

    A friend texted me last Tuesday morning at 6:46 am.

    "How's ur mom this morning?" she wrote.

    flowers-one-lilyPin

    Seven hours earlier, I had texted her to cancel our morning art class/playdate. I was rushing to the hospital; my mom had gone into septic shock.

    The hours between were a blur of driving, waiting, and crying. I could hardly see my phone, move my fingers, or even breathe. "She is gone" I typed.

    many-liliesPin

    She is gone. The words echoed in my brain over and over and over.

    She is gone.

    She is gone.

    There would never be another hug, another smile, another family trip. No more kids tickled, no more stories read, no more cheeks kissed or necks nuzzled.

    She was gone.

    She had stopped breathing only minutes earlier. Flat lines still buzzed across monitors; leads were still attached to her skin. Her eyes were still open; her skin was still warm. My sister still sat at her bedside, still holding her motionless hand.

    mum-photosPin

    Nothing had changed, but nothing was the same.

    The moment I had been anticipating and dreading came and went, and I couldn't believe it.

    I had been devastated for so long, I thought it couldn't get worse.

    mom-picturesPin

    It got worse.

    Nothing could fix my broken heart, not even the knowledge that she was finally free from pain.

    There was no solace, but there was support. Friends gathered around, emailing and texting and calling and sending Facebook messages. My sisters and my grandma cried with me, and the load seemed lighter spread among us.

    flowers-birdsPin

    Planning a funeral is ridiculously expensive and consuming. We spent every minute of every day making arrangements.

    The church was peaceful and serene. The flowers were beautiful. The pictures were a perfect reflection of a life well-lived. Everything was bright and colorful and befitted my mother.

    mom-guestbookPin

    Her longtime friend performed the funeral and delivered a short message about her sense of humor and infectious laugh. He started 5 minutes late, homage to a woman who was never on time for anything in her entire life.

    mum-casketPin

    My older sister and I witnessed her cremation today, and a portion of her ashes are tucked away in a safe spot in my home.

    Disbelief still sits heavy on my chest. I can't believe that I will never see her face or hear her voice again, but I won't.

    She is gone.

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    1. Southern Angel says

      August 05, 2013 at 9:23 am

      I have been there myself a couple of years ago with my own mother. It still seems surreal. The other night I was listening to the news and they talked about Loretta Lynn's oldest child passing away and my first thought was to call my mom and ask her if she knew. Sending you lots of love and hugs. From one motherless daughter to another.

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 05, 2013 at 10:03 pm

        Big hugs. My next post is going to be about the motherless club. It's been rattling around in my brain for a couple of days.

        Reply
    2. susan says

      August 05, 2013 at 11:07 am

      So, so sorry - words cannot help the pain. I pray for peace and comfort for yourself and for your family, losing your mom is horribly painful and there will always be a little spot aching for her. I lost my mom 7 years ago and I pray you can hang on her memories and find comfort in those in the days to come.

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 05, 2013 at 10:03 pm

        Thank you Susan.

        Reply
    3. Lupi says

      August 05, 2013 at 11:50 am

      So sorry for your loss. I'm praying God's peace over you and your family!

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 05, 2013 at 10:04 pm

        Thank you

        Reply
    4. Leticia- Tech Savvy Mama says

      August 05, 2013 at 5:50 pm

      I know there aren't words that can comfort you during this incredibly difficult time but please know that I'm thinking of you, sending all my love, and am never too far away via Skype if you need someone to talk to even in the middle of the night.

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 05, 2013 at 10:04 pm

        Thank you Leticia. I've been sleeping pretty well for a change, so don't expect me in the middle of the night. 😉

        Reply
    5. Valerie C. says

      August 05, 2013 at 5:54 pm

      Please accept my sincere condolences. I've been where you are, losing my mom at a young age. Please give yourself time to grieve and I promise it will get easier. I know that ache in your heart. Please take care <3

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 05, 2013 at 10:05 pm

        Thank you Valerie. There seem to be a lot of us, with mothers gone too soon. We should have a support group.

        Reply
        • Valerie C. says

          August 05, 2013 at 10:26 pm

          You're right, maybe we should. In addition to family, friends online can help ease the pain too <3

          Reply
    6. Amy @ Finer Things says

      August 05, 2013 at 6:20 pm

      Oh, Tara! I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can't fathom!

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 05, 2013 at 10:06 pm

        Thank you Amy.

        Reply
    7. Andi @udandi says

      August 05, 2013 at 6:29 pm

      So sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing about her.

      I was reflecting on meeting you four years ago at BlogHer at the bowling alley when I saw a tweet about your mom. Your family is in my thoughts.

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 05, 2013 at 10:07 pm

        God knows what He's doing when He puts someone in our thoughts, doesn't he?

        Reply
        • Andi @udandi says

          August 05, 2013 at 10:20 pm

          He certainly does 🙂

          Reply
    8. Allie says

      August 05, 2013 at 6:31 pm

      Tara - you have been on my mind and in my heart since I heard of your mom's passing. You give the best hugs and I wish I could give you one back right now , listen to you tell me all about your mom and just sit with you. This post is a beautiful tribute.

      love
      allie

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 05, 2013 at 10:07 pm

        I wish that, too.

        Reply
    9. ClassyMommy says

      August 05, 2013 at 7:25 pm

      Tara - I am so sorry for your loss. Heartbroken for you. Thinking about you and your family during this very difficult time and sending virtual hugs to you all. xoxoxo

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 05, 2013 at 10:07 pm

        Thanks Colleen.

        Reply
    10. Rebecca says

      August 05, 2013 at 8:05 pm

      Wish I was there to hug you. No words can ever express - the depth of the loss of a Mom. Love you sweet friend.

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 05, 2013 at 10:08 pm

        Me, too. It is so much worse than I ever expected.

        Reply
    11. Jo-Lynne Shane {Musings of a Housewife} says

      August 05, 2013 at 8:35 pm

      I simply can't imagine the heartbreak. I am so sorry, Tara. xo

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 05, 2013 at 10:08 pm

        Thank you Jo-Lynne.

        Reply
    12. Marie d. says

      August 05, 2013 at 9:29 pm

      I am so very sorry.
      Praying for you and your family.

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 05, 2013 at 10:08 pm

        Thank you

        Reply
    13. Gina says

      August 05, 2013 at 9:31 pm

      So sorry to hear your news, Tara. Have had you both on my mind all summer. Sending a hug through the net.

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 05, 2013 at 10:13 pm

        Thanks Gina. It's been a very busy and very difficult summer. She got weaker and weaker through June, almost died on July 5, went into the hospital, transferred to a "rehab" center on July 11, then went back to the hospital on the 29th. We never went more than a day without taking the kids to see her, so I did a whole lot of driving and running around and entertaining my girls in the nursing home. I feel like the summer has barely started.

        Reply
    14. Colleen Kessler says

      August 05, 2013 at 10:40 pm

      I'm so sorry, Tara. So sorry. I'm praying hard, and thinking of you often.

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 05, 2013 at 10:49 pm

        Thank you Colleen.

        Reply
    15. Sarah says

      August 05, 2013 at 11:51 pm

      So, so sorry for your loss Tara. My thoughts are with you and your family.

      Reply
    16. Kim Hawkins says

      August 06, 2013 at 3:27 pm

      I am sorry for you loss and as usual, words fail me and seem inadequate at times such as this. I pray for your comfort in the coming days and weeks as each new first rolls around that she will be gone. God bless you and yours!

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 10, 2013 at 1:00 pm

        Thank you Kim.

        Reply
    17. Mary says

      August 06, 2013 at 7:59 pm

      Sending very deepest sympathy on the loss of your mother. I am so sorry.

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 10, 2013 at 12:59 pm

        Thank you Mary.

        Reply
    18. Melissa {momcomm} says

      August 07, 2013 at 3:02 pm

      You've been on my mind lately and I've been praying for your comfort. My dad has been gone almost 2 years. It's a tough road, but you have lots of support which makes dealing with grief a little more bearable. Sending hugs!

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 10, 2013 at 12:56 pm

        Thanks Melissa.

        Reply
    19. Cindy says

      August 07, 2013 at 4:59 pm

      I wanted to comment, but what's left to say? I'm just plain sorry. (((hugs)))

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 10, 2013 at 12:56 pm

        I'll take your hugs. Thank you.

        Reply
    20. Liz Williams says

      August 10, 2013 at 8:01 am

      Oh I'm so so sorry to hear this. Will be praying for you and your family. Nothing like our Momma's. I know you will hold her forever in your heart, and keep her memory alive through stories to your children. Hugs!

      Reply
      • Tara Ziegmont says

        August 10, 2013 at 12:55 pm

        Thanks Liz.

        Reply

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