• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Feels Like Home™ logo

  • Shop
    • Christianity Downloads
    • Family Downloads
    • Food & Cooking Downloads
    • Hobbies & Crafts Downloads
    • Learning Downloads
  • Blog
  • Family
    • Parenting
    • Holidays & Celebrations
    • Marriage
    • Kids activities
      • Kids Crafts
      • Christmas Crafts for Toddlers & Preschoolers
      • Christmas Crafts for Kids
      • Christmas Crafts for Tweens & Teens
    • Learning
      • Reading & Writing
      • STEM
  • Faith
    • Bible Study
    • Encouragement
  • Recipes
    • Comfort Food
    • Eating after Bariatric Surgery
    • Gluten-Free
    • Recipes for Foodie Kids
    • Quick & Easy Weeknight Meals
  • Health
    • Mental Health
      • Hobbies & Crafts
      • Self-Care
    • Physical Health
      • Bariatric Surgery
  • Subscribe
menu icon
go to homepage
subscribe
search icon
Homepage link
  • SHOP
  • RECIPES
  • FAMILY
  • FAITH
  • HEALTH
    • Facebook
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
  • ×
    See More:   Elementary Aged Kids Family Mental Health Parenting Preschoolers Self-Care Teens & Tweens

    Last Modified: May 25, 2022 by Tara Ziegmont 2 Comments

    Angry at Your Kids? 11 Healthy Ways to Deal With It

    9FacebookMessenger947PinterestTwitterWhatsAppEmail
    956
    SHARES

    A woman being angry at her kidsPin

    Who among us hasn't had a moment of strong feelings towards our demanding, persistent, never stop talking cherubim?

    None if we're being honest.

    This guest post is full of solid tips to managing those moments of intense feelings. (Notice I didn't say those moments when you're screaming at the top of your lungs? I don't do that. Okay, I don't do it very often.)angry momPin

    {ahem}

    On to the post:

    You're all alone dealing with a houseful of kids who, when they're not playing nicely together, may be crying, whining, fighting, or running around creating havoc and chaos. You can feel the anger, frustration, and resentment rising in you - you're ready to blow a gasket!

    It's normal to feel resentment and feel as if you're going crazy. You just want to sit down and cry, or run outside and scream.

    Guess what?

    That's not a bad option, but there is a way to do it that won't freak out your kids. The truth is, holding down your anger only intensifies it, and it will end up coming out in a way you'll regret.

    There's a healthy way to release anger that won't damage your kids OR leave you feeling like a terrible person.

    Here are some strategies that help parents deal with frustration and anger around kids:

    Let go of the judgment. It's natural to feel intense anger, frustration, and helplessness as a parent. Accept that you're going to be exhausted and sometimes lose it. Remind yourself you're doing your best. It doesn't make you a bad person or a bad parent.

    Look for anger's body cues. Step out of your head and into your body. Become aware of how the emotion is making itself known: ears getting hot, surging in chest, rage moving up spine, sweating, and feeling like you're about explode.

    Take a page from your kids' book. Kids are good role models for expressing emotions. They scream, cry, stomp around, and otherwise go ballistic, then after a few minutes are smiling and happy again. You can do this too, but in a safe place where you won't frighten your kids.

    Find two minutes to let it all out. Excuse yourself to the bedroom, if your kids are old enough, and pound the mattress with your fist, or scream and growl into a pillow. Do it hard, with abandon. If you need to cry, allow the tears to flow. If the kids are too little to be left alone, push against a wall as hard as you can, letting your arms and legs tremble with the effort. Make angry, scowling noises at the wall. While pushing or stomping, make sounds or stick to, "I just feel so angry. I need to get this energy out."

    Interrupt destructive thinking patterns. When you find yourself thinking about how your kids or the situation "should" be, learn to reroute those thoughts. Accept reality and focus on an indisputable truth. For example, "Suzie is the way she is, not the way I want her to be," or "This feeling is temporary." Repeat your statement in your mind over and over and throughout the day.

    Communicate with "I" statements and specifics. Instead of, "You kids are driving me crazy," say, "I would like you to pick up your toys before we have a snack. It makes me happy when our playroom is neat and we can find all the pieces to our games."

    Deal with the present. Don't make global generalizations such as, "You're a bad boy." Don't drag in words like "always" and "never." Stay specific and talk about the issue at hand. "I didn't like it when you hit your sister. Look at how hard she's crying. Use your words if something bothers you."

    Focus on the positive. When your kids infuriate you, don't focus on the small stuff that bothers you. Remember to tell your children what you love, admire, value, and notice about them when you're NOT feeling angry.

    Be a good example for your family. Model healthy coping strategies for your family by creating a safe place for releasing anger. At an emotionally neutral time, explain to kids that expressing emotions is healthy, and you've created a safe place where anyone can go and get their anger out. Set aside a corner of the basement with a punching bag and a mattress, and show them how to pound pillows and invite them to do the same.

    Take care of yourself. Good emotional health in a family starts with you. Find what nourishes you and do it, even it if it's just for a few seconds here and there. Sip a mug of hot tea or walk outside to feel the sunshine. Or even let the kids spend the afternoon on a play date so you can have quiet time. Be good to yourself.

    Find someone for support. Perhaps it's a best girlfriend who also has kids or it's your spouse. Ask for help and call in the support team when you feel like you're going to lose it with the kids.

    The results?

    You set up a healthy emotional space for the entire family. You'll take care of your own need to feel centered and to have a sense of well-being. Releasing the emotional energy and focusing on acceptance dissipates anger and restores balance. You'll feel more calm, clear, and loving -and you'll teach your kids to do the same for themselves. You'll calmly accept what is or say/do what you need to in order to keep love, joy, and peace flowing in your household.

    * * * * *
    Written by Jude Bijou, MA, MFT, a respected psychotherapist, professional educator, and workshop leader. Her theory of Attitude Reconstruction® evolved over the course of more than 30 years working with clients as a licensed marriage and family therapist, and is the subject of her award-winning book, Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life.

    There's one point above that I sorta disagree with. Leave a comment and tell me what you think of the list.

    An angry momPin

    A little girl crying in a mess of toysPin

    An angry mom looking at her childPin

    9FacebookMessenger947PinterestTwitterWhatsAppEmail
    956
    SHARES

    More Elementary Aged Kids

    • How to Introduce an Elf on the Shelf Plus 26 Creative & Fun Elf Ideas
    • Christmas Gift Guide for Families
    • 24 Best Non-Tech Gifts for Kids
    • 18 Fun Things to Do with Your Kids

    Reader Interactions

    Comments

      Leave a Reply Cancel reply

      Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

      Recipe Rating




    1. Mary @ A Teachable Mom says

      October 25, 2012 at 8:39 am

      I think these are excellent ideas and suggestions. Thank you for the great guest post on a subject near and dear to me (and one I wish I didn't struggle with!).

      Reply
    2. Jessica @FoundtheMarbles says

      October 25, 2012 at 10:35 pm

      These are great tips. I've been working on staying calm but I'm not always so successful at it!

      Reply

    Primary Sidebar

    Hi, I'm Tara.

    Harrisburg PA mom blogger Tara Ziegmont
    I am passionate about helping women to care for themselves and their families physically, emotionally, and spiritually by making time for what matters most through a combination of delectable recipes, Christian inspiration, and family fun. If you're tired of feeling so weary and uninspired, you're in the right place. I'm so glad you're here!
    Read more about me...

    Facebook Twitter Pinterest Instagram LinkedIn email me subscribe

    Popular Recipes

    • Cheeseburger Soup from Taste of Home
    • Cracker Barrel Copycat Fried Apples
    • Sweet Balsamic Pork Roast in the Instant Pot
    • Couldn't Be Easier Cherry Pie

    Food with an Instant Pot in the background

    AS SEEN ON

    a list of the websites where Tara Ziegmont has been featured

    Popular Bible Studies

    • A Grateful Heart - 2 week printable study
    • 10 Bible Verses on Anger
    • 13 Bible Verses on Disappointment
    • 50 Bible Verses Every Christian Should Know
    • 10 Bible Verses to Overcome Worry

    Footer

    ↑ back to top

    About

    • Privacy Policy
    • Disclaimer
    • Terms & Conditions

    As seen on

    a list of the websites where Tara Ziegmont has been featured

    Contact Tara


    As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. Read my full disclosure policy.

    Copyright © 2022 Feels Like Home Blog

    We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. By clicking “Accept”, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies.
    Do not sell my personal information.
    SettingsAccept
    Privacy & Cookies Policy

    Privacy Overview

    This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
    Necessary
    Always Enabled
    Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
    Non-necessary
    Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
    SAVE & ACCEPT