Use these marriage check in questions for your next marriage check up. Whether you have a daily, weekly, or monthly checkup, these insightful questions will be useful. To learn how to have a marriage checkup with your spouse, just click on the image for my step-by-step guide.
I'm super excited for this week because, in honor of my 13th wedding anniversary, I am relaunching my amazing resource called the Marriage Builders Toolkit, a 105-page collection of carefully curated content designed to make your marriage the best relationship it could possibly be!
In the pages of the Marriage Builders Toolkit, you will find resources like date night planners and prayer calendars, conversation starters and Bible verse cards, love letter prompts and a full-length ebook on the puzzle pieces of a strong and healthy marriage.
This collection has the potential to radically change your marriage and make it the sweet respite your soul longs for!
Here's what one reader, a licensed counselor, had to say about the collection:
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You can also check out the other marriage posts in this series:
And, as if My Healthy Marriage Solution and those posts were not enough goodness for your marriage, read on for another awesome printable that I'm offering.
"You know what else?" I said at our most recent emotionally focused therapy session. "Joe has this habit of one-upping me anytime I complain to him. It's like he says, 'Yeah? Well, I take that complaint and raise you mine!'"
I think Joe had been trying to empathize with me, but when he threw an entirely different situation back at me when I brought a complaint or irritation to him, it didn't feel like empathy. It felt like he was trying to outdo me.
Without some real, honest conversation, this annoyance could very easily have become sustained resentment. Fortunately for us, we were able to talk through it and, though he still does it sometimes, we both became aware of both his motivation for doing it (empathy) and my perception of it (being outdone).
Joe and I see our (amazing and insightful) therapist every other week, and that two-hour session gives us a chance to talk to each other in a safe, non-threatening environment. We say things that we wouldn't otherwise feel comfortable saying.
You see, the doctor provides us with the tools we need to relate, air our grievances, and accept each other just as we are.
Joe and I have been going to EFT twice a month for over six years. When we started, the doctor told us that it was a short term, high impact solution. Back then, we needed a way to iron out huge differences and solve major ill feelings toward one another, but it has morphed into long term way to facilitate a level of communication we might not otherwise manage. We talk with our doctor about little things and big things, and he helps us to develop a deeper emotional bond with each other and a means of communication that lingers long after we leave his office.
I share this because I recently surveyed my best email friends and learned that by far, their most pressing marital concern was communication.
"We never talk anymore."
"How do we talk when we don't have anything in common?"
"How can we effectively communicate?"
"How can I improve communication and intimacy in my marriage?"
"How do we communicate when one of us shuts down all the time?"
I'll be the first to admit that I don't have all the answers, but I don't think anyone really does (even our doctor).
One thing you can try is the printable marriage questionnaire I posted last week. That is a really low key, non-threatening survey that you can give to your spouse to fill out and fill out yourself. It covers basics like favorite things and also some deeper heart-related issues like what you're proud of and struggling with at the moment.
Another thing that has helped us and could help you is a weekly marriage check-in. All you have to do is sit down in a distraction-free space once a week, and you talk to each other. Plan for somewhere between 15 and 30 minutes to start with and add or take away as you need to.
I've put together a list of 10 questions to get you talking. Some of them will seem emotionally alive for one or the other of you, and some of the questions will just be met with shrugs. That's totally okay and totally normal.
The idea is not that you take 15 minutes to explore each of the questions. The idea is that you both take the opportunity to speak your minds and use the questions to guide and inspire your conversation.
This simple and easy practice may seem really stilted and uncomfortable at first, but the more you do it, the easier and more natural it will become.
It's worth practicing and feeling uncomfortable at first because eventually, you will get into some really good talks over these questions, and you will be able to connect on a level you haven't before or at least, not recently.
I am sorry to say that there is no magic pill to improve the communication in your marriage. You have to do the work, even if it feels awkward at first.
Print out the questions, sit down with your sweetheart, and start talking.
That's the only way to make things better.
You can do this. I have faith in you.
Amar Kumar says
Hey Tara,
From my opinion, more effective communication in your marriage involves more than just talking.
By being honest, making time for fun, eliminating one-upmanship and avoiding arguing on autopilot, you'll find yourself carving out new, more productive communication patterns with your spouse.
Reacting to a situation with anger is never helpful. Eventually, thanks for sharing your experience with us.
With best wishes,
Amar Kumar