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Nothing to Say

I have written and deleted a half dozen posts so far this week. I want to have something to say, but I'm empty.

I still have three grandparents at 33. I'm afraid my girls won't be so lucky.

My mom has stage 3 pancreatic cancer. She is convinced she's going to be in the 25% of pancreatic cancer patients who survive a year, in the 1% who survive five years.

I want that to be true.

I'm so grateful that she's optimistic. Everyone says a patient's outlook is a big part of her prognosis.

I want that to be true.

I'm just not there.

I cry.

A lot.

Grace and I have been praying that the doctors will make her better. Prayer warriors all over America are praying for her.

Praying doesn't feel like enough and yet, it's the only thing I can do.

When Allie sees my mom, her whole face lights up. She squeals and points and says, I see!

I am terrified that Allie won't remember her beloved Grandma.

I want to have more to say, but I don't.

© 2012 – 2018, Tara Ziegmont. All rights reserved.

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15 thoughts on “Nothing to Say”

  1. Tara, I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now. (Well, I can imagine, but I have no idea how close I am to understanding. You know what I mean. Right?) I am praying for your family and for you, and I love you dearly, my sweet internet friend. <3

  2. Tara, I continue to lift you and your mom up in my prayers. I am so sorry y’all are dealing with this. I know that your creative self will come up with a myriad of ways for your girls to remember their grandma when that time comes. For now, focus on making as many memories as you can. Text or call if you need to talk. {{hugs}}

  3. I really do know how hard this can be. My mom is a 10+ year survivor of cancer. She has had other serious health issues as well and she just keeps on going – T says she is like the Energizer Bunny!

    Sending lots of love and support and positive thoughts for your mom, you, your family, and the medical community taking care of your mom. You know I am just a call/text/dm/email away if you need me! {{{HUGS}}}

  4. Tara, I really don’t have the words to say either. I am so sorry to read this news about your mom. I cannot imagine all the emotions you are experiencing. I will be praying for your mom and all your family.

  5. God bless you Tara -what a time this is for you. Stay strong however you can – for that little girl and for your mother. You are amazing and you can do this . . .

  6. Tara there are no words that I can think of after reading your news. Cancer is never something that you want to hear about with a friend or their family. Sending you and your family lots of hugs, thoughts, and prayers during this time.

  7. I have so been in your shoes. My mom died of liver cancer when my youngest was very little. My biggest prayer to God was “I want my children to remember her. It has been 5 years since her death and just last night my daughter say to me “you make toast just as good as your mom” I almost cried right then and there but praised God instead, she remembers my mom. I know I don’t know you and I wish I could jump through this blog and give you a hug, the road you are going on is not an easy one, but it is a hopeful one.

  8. Hi Tara, Miracles do happen and I will pray that your family. My uncle who is like a father to me a a grandfather to my kids was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last september. He was given no treeatment option and his oncologist gave him a generous 6 months. I didn’t believe he would make until Christmas. But, we have been granted a miracle by God and he is still with us and in great condition for someone who is in his state. I know it is hard but I wish you and your family all the best during this difficult time.

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