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Siri Hates Me (and the Feeling is Mutual)

I am a geek. I've been using a computer since I was 3, and I have always had a strong zeal for all things related.

I was (almost) delighted to have lost my ancient iPhone 3 last fall. I looked for it diligently for three days, and then I bought a new phone, an iPhone 4S with Siri.

I was giddy over Siri.

But then we met, and it turns out neither of us likes the other very much.

Here are some examples of how she has steered me wrong in huge ways:

The Gay Bar Incident

My grandparents are just about as conservative as any human being could be. They attend a Lutheran church weekly, and they don't allow alcohol or bad language in their home. They're hard-core.

For my pap's 90th birthday, the family agreed to meet at a restaurant called the J-Barn.  I'd been there once before but had no idea how to return. Plus, I was driving in from Old Grandma's house by myself. I'd gotten as close as I knew how, and I needed directions.

I thought this was a perfect time to use Siri.

“I need directions to the J-Barn in Sarver, Pennsylvania,” I told her.

“There are no gay bars in Sarver, Pennsylvania,” she responded.siri hates me

I was so shocked that I looked at my car's speaker, dumbfounded.

“I need directions to the Jay BarNN,” I tried again, enunciating so much that Grace asked why I was talking so funny.

“Okay, finding the nearest gay bar,” she responded.

I tried spelling. “Get me directions to the J-B-A-R-N in Sarver, Pennsylvania.”

“Tara (apparently, my emotionless computer voice was getting annoyed), I can't find any gay bars in Sarver, Pennsylvania.”

I hung up and got directions myself using the little map app.

Turkey, Texas

This one was less funny, but no less frustrating.

“What's the weather going to be like tomorrow?” I asked her while sitting on Old Grandma's porch.

“Here's the weather forecast for Turkey, Texas,” she chirped.

“I need the weather forecast for Pennsylvania,” I sighed.

“Here's the weather forecast for Turkey, Texas.”

“No! Not Turkey, Texas! Here! Zip code 1-2-3-4-5” (which is obviously not correct, but you get the point).

“Here's the weather forecast for Turkey, Texas,” she repeated. I turned her off and opened my Weather Channel app.

I want to like Siri.

Really, I do. I want to find her useful. I want her to revolutionize my phone usage.

Alas.

Like that guy who was so cute but totally obnoxious, I like the idea of Siri much more than the actual interactions we've had.

I think it may be time to break up.

Please tell me you have tips to make Siri work better.

© 2012 – 2018, Tara Ziegmont. All rights reserved.

4 thoughts on “Siri Hates Me (and the Feeling is Mutual)”

  1. Oh, that is too funny… not for you, at the time, but for us. WHAT? No gay bars?? I’m sure your grandparents were so disappointed! (giggle) I swear I must have the voice they use to program voice recognition systems. I am ALWAYS understood– it’s pretty crazy, really. My husband, and former bosses of mine, always call me over to talk into the phone. You can borrow me anytime you need to. 😉

  2. Too funny – I use Android, but I just went through this with an app on it this week. It’s supposed make voice dialing easier, but all it does is lead you to a list of contacts it thinks you’re saying, so you can tap one of them. How is that voice calling? It literally needs a tap – it won’t understand any variation of the name, the numbers, list placement. I wound up deleting it. Sigh. Good luck with Siri.

  3. Oh my, I was sure that I was the ONLY one that can’t get Siri to understand or help me. Some days she’s just sorry she cannot help me. Some days she sends such goobely gook when I try to do voice to text, it’s ridiculous. Some days she gives me directions to somewhere when I am asking her to call someone. I have almost completely given up. And I swear when I try to enunciate better (louder) her translation is worse. Let me know if you figure her out.

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