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Why?

Since yesterday, when I woke up in the morning with pink eye and (being contagious) subsequently instructed not to visit the hospital for 24 hours, I have been wondering why this is happening.

Not why in the why me sense. Why me is self pity. It has no productive purpose.

Why is the what am I supposed to learn from this sense is different. That's what I've been trying to focus on.

What am I supposed to learn from these illnesses?

Be Humble

I have a tendency to believe myself to be a little more important than I am. I know it, and I struggle with it when I realize it's happening.

This experience definitely has been a lesson in humility.

I can not be in two places at once.

Guess what.

I don't need to be.

Neither child was upset that she spent time with her dad. Both Grace and Allie were just fine when I wasn't there. Neither child was alone. They had their father to comfort and support them.

Ask for Helpsometimes, you need a boost

I also have a tendency to be independent to an extreme.

Even though many friends offered help during my extended bed rest and the baby's first weeks, I rarely accepted.

I really wanted help from one person in particular, and she made herself largely unavailable. Subsequently, I held my breath and found the determination to do it by myself.

Sometimes, I need to accept help when it's offered and ask when it's not offered.

I don't have to do everything myself.

Get Up

No one wants to stumble and fall. No one.sometimes, you fall

Sometimes, we trip and fall and get a mouthful of dirt.

In the last few weeks of bed rest and the first weeks of Allie's life, I spent a lot of hours crying.

Those tears were caused by depression, but they felt a lot like failure.

I want to be in the hospital with my baby. Having pink eye and not being there feels like betrayal, like failure.

It's not my fault. I didn't do anything to cause the depression, and I didn't do anything to cause the pink eye.

All I can do is get up, dust myself off, and keep moving.

Keep calm and carry on.

Be Patient

Patience has haunted me time and time again.baby with pneumonia

I don't have any.

In the last weeks of my pregnancy, I nearly went crazy waiting for the baby to arrive and my bed rest to be over.

Christmas, birthdays, deadlines, events. I have a lot of trouble waiting.

It looked like Allie would be able to come yesterday. I was looking forward to it.

When she developed pneumonia that delayed her discharge at least a few more days, I didn't know what to do with myself.

Clearly, I still need to work on patience

I could use suggestions on this one. How does one learn to be patient?

Trust God

I've been working on this a while.

Hasn't everybody?

When His plan is different from our desires, it can be hard to sit back and trust Him.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV)

There has to be a purpose to this suffering, and these seem like good lessons to learn.

I hope I learn them so we don't have to do this again.

Ever.

Have you ever been in a similar situation, when hardship after hardship came your way?

What did it teach you?

© 2011 – 2018, Tara Ziegmont. All rights reserved.

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9 thoughts on “Why?”

  1. Tara: I am thinking of you, Joe, Grace and Allie and hope you are all home together and healthy very soon. I give you a lot of credit for trying to find a lesson in your hardship. I think that sometimes the only lesson is that we cannot control everything (if anything at all). You cannot “will” yourself or your children to be better. Some things are just out of our control and at that time, you just have to believe and trust that everything will work out as it is meant to be. I definitely learned this when Cole had his skin problems for his entire first year and am reminded constantly with Courtnee’s allergies. As a parent, (and I think for me and you as people) this is almost impossible to do until something comes along which proves it once again. I hope all is well soon. I know how much of a struggle this must be for you. Keep your head up – and do everything possible that you can do. Even though there may be a lesson to learn, you only can do what you think is right in the moment and cannot fault yourself for that. I miss you guys.

  2. About being patient… I struggle with this too and funny you should mention it because just this week I started teaching my son about loving God and loving people as Jesus told us it is the most important thing we need to do. From there I began to tell my son what love is starting with love is patient and love is kind. I’ve been meditating this week on love is patient. It really helped to look in a thesaurus and jot down synonyms. Then I wrote on a piece of paper one of my favorite verses. 2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. So, ok… God gave me a spirit of love and love is patient so then I began to write “By the power of the Holy Spirit, I am patient, I am unflappable, I am calm, I can endure suffering for a long time…” and I’ve been repeating these statements over and over especially when I feel myself becoming agitated and impatient. I don’t think you learn to be patient… you already ARE patient because love is patient and you have the Holy Spirit in you and it’s a spirit of love. Meditate on and repeat the truth of who you already are until you get a revelation and believe it!

  3. I’ve been facing challenge after challenge lately too. Maybe your purpose is to help remind the rest of us of the points you make above? Only God knows.

    But I’ve following along silently for a while and just wanted to say that I have been thinking and praying for you! Your words are so eloquently written. Hope your baby comes home soon!

    • At Relevant, I heard over and over again, “I want God to use my blog for His glory.” I had never, ever thought of my blog in that way, so I began to pray about it. I wasn’t sure how that would change things here, but I hoped He would use this blog to help people in some way. And I think that He is. 🙂

      So maybe you’re right. Maybe the purpose of all of this was so that I could write about it and help other moms who have struggles. This, too, shall pass. And it looks like Allie is going to come home today. Hallelujah!

  4. This is a beautiful post on self-reflection. Very brave and insightful. This insight will get you through the tough times. You’ll both be better soon.

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