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Our Ultrasound Dilemma

When I was pregnant with Grace, I was completely obsessed with the baby growing in my belly.I was syndicated on BlogHer.com

Partly, I was obsessed because the baby growing in my belly made me throw up every day, sometimes more than once, and I needed a reason to be in so much misery.

But I was obsessed, none the less.

I found out about an elective 3D/4D ultrasound studio near my house, and I had to get one. It was my only glimpse of baby Grace in real space and time. The pictures were amazing, and I came home with a DVD of the whole session.

I saw Grace smile; I saw mannerisms that endure even today.

3d ultrasound

It was a completely awe-inspiring afternoon.

3d ultrasound

Do you think they're similar to what she looked like at birth?

She was 3 hours old here:

Newborn Grace, 2 hours old

3d ultrasound

Three days old here, the day we left the hospital:

Newborn Grace, 3 days old

I see so much of 3-year-old Grace in that tiny, newborn face.

3d ultrasound

I can't believe the resemblance between the picture above and the one below. She was one month old here:

Newborn Grace, one month old

So what's my dilemma?

I'm not obsessed with my developing baby this time around.

Like all second-time moms, I have too much going on to be obsessed. I have a 3-year-old whirlwind who needs attention and love. I've spent a lot of time sick (not morning sickness this time, just assorted viruses). I spend a huge chunk of time working at work and working on this blog.

I don't have time to be obsessed. I didn't know I was in my third trimester until the doctor told me. I've missed entire months of reading in my pregnancy books.

The horror!

As much as I'd really like to know for sure if this baby is a boy or a girl (because our technician at 20 weeks wasn't as confident as I'd like), and as much as I'd like to see my growing baby's mannerisms and facial expressions now, before she's born, I'm ambivalent about getting the 3D/4D ultrasound.

Plus, it costs almost $200.

But here's the dilemma that Joe and I have discussed time and time again over the last couple of weeks. Will my January baby someday feel slighted (or even unwanted) because we skipped the fancy ultrasound?

Is it unfair of us to not give the same gift to our January baby that we gave to Gracie (a DVD of her in utero)?

We've talked to a few people about this in person, and everyone seems to think it's not a big deal. I have a nagging feeling that it could be a big deal, though, so I wanted to ask you, my Dear Readers, and get your take on it.

What do you think?

Happily submitted to Wordful Wednesday, PhotoStory Friday, Give Me Your Best Shot, Finer Things Friday, Just for the Joy of It, and I'm Lovin' It Fridays

© 2010 – 2018, Tara Ziegmont. All rights reserved.

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21 thoughts on “Our Ultrasound Dilemma”

  1. I don’t think it really matters. If it were me and it was bothering me, I’d do it for peace of mind though. I am already worrying about giving my future kids as much attention as my first is getting, but I know it’s impossible. But as the youngest child myself, I don’t ever want my kids to feel like they didn’t get as many photos/keepsakes/etc. as their older sister.

  2. My gut instinct is to say no, it most certainly doesn’t matter, not to worry about it.
    Then I think about how we never got our act together enough to send birth announcements out for Evan. And it still nags at me to this day. I know that might not be helpful, or even logical. But I’m just being honest. I wish we’d at least done that much the same for our second child as we did for our first.

  3. Not a big deal, IMO. That baby might wish for a neat picture like that, but will probably not take it to mean you care less than you do about big sister…unless you raise your kids to be utterly self-centered. You don’t seem like the type for that. Don’t spoil the kid, and it won’t matter. :0)

  4. I noticed! I got some wonderful fabric to make a blanket and some nightgowns, but I’ve been afraid to cut into it. If I cut or sew it, I won’t be able to return it in the event that it isn’t a girl.

  5. The window for a 3D ultrasound is 28-32 weeks, and I’m just 29 weeks now.
    I love pregnancy photos. I really, really love them. Unfortunately, I don’t look pregnant, even at this point. As my mom so eloquently put it, “You really just look like one of the fat girls.” So. I’m not planning any pregnancy photos. It’s a bummer. I wish I had a cute pregnant belly, but I didn’t have one with Gracie, either.

  6. I think girls are different, too. Especially 2 girls. There’s a bigger chance they’ll care, especially as they grow into their own child-bearing years. I think I am going to do it. Everyone’s comments have been very helpful in clarifying my own thoughts.

  7. Things with your second are going to be so different. As you said, its all about time. My best example: Big has a paper scrapbook, Middle has a digital one. BUT now that I have Little (my little surprise) I can tell you that I regret not doing a lot of the things for Middle that I did with Big. Because I have the time with her, now, to cherish her changes and her growth. That said, Little isn’t enrolled in 3 mommy and me classes and I’m no longer in MOMS Club.

    I guess what I’m getting to is that there’s no “fair”, you always have to do what’s best for your family at the time. If you have the time and the slightest feeling that you’ll regret not doing it, do it. Do it now. But if you are swamped and can’t be bothered, then realize that you’ll be doing other, special things with number 2 than you did with Gracie. And that those special things are to be cherished just as much, but in a different way.

    WOW! 3rd Trimester!! Can’t wait to hear your news!

  8. I say skip it. I only have one but already decided that if I had another, I would not opt for the 3D video. My son could care less about it (although he’s only 3 1/2) and to be honest, you happened to get amazing pictures of your daughter. Typically, the shots are not so clear. In fact, my son had the umbilical cord across his face so his pictures were a little freaky. In others, he looked like an alien!

    • That’s so funny! One of the things that’s really pushing me to want a 3D ultrasound is that Grace is so into hers. I just showed it to her a month or so ago, and she was really excited about it. She wants to know what she was doing then and how we got to see those pictures and what we were doing that day.

  9. Aw. Your girl is such a cutie!

    I was totally like this with #2 and #3, and had all the guilt. I love all the advice so far. I say, if it’s really keeping you up at night, do it. But you’re giving this little one the gift of an older sister already, and that’s a big deal!

  10. Aw. Your girl is such a cutie!

    I was totally like this with #2 and #3, and had all the guilt. I love all the advice so far. I say, if it’s really keeping you up at night, do it. But you’re giving this little one the gift of an older sister already, and that’s a big deal!

  11. I’d say no. Don’t do it and don’t feel guilty about it. Spend that money on special things for you guys and for the baby, not on the fancy pictures. The ones of her after she is born will be far more meaningful. Make other things important to baby #2. Take pictures of Grace hugging your belly and show the baby those pictures….”Look how much we loved you even before you were born?!”

  12. For myself, personally, I’d probably do it mostly so I could make the same comparisons because I LOVE that kind of stuff! And I think it would be so fun to even compare the siblings and to be able to show them BOTH. Just my take… 🙂

  13. For myself, personally, I’d probably do it mostly so I could make the same comparisons because I LOVE that kind of stuff! And I think it would be so fun to even compare the siblings and to be able to show them BOTH. Just my take… 🙂

  14. Why don’t you find something else special for this baby so they can each have their own special “thing”? My brother is adopted and we always celebrated his “Special Day”, which of course is the day he came to live with us at 4 months old. Well, each parent has a day plus their birthdays, and then he had his real birthday plus his “special day”, and I honestly always felt left out that I had just the one day and didn’t ever feel special. I understood the reason behind giving him that day since I am the oldest, and I shouldn’t have ever felt resentment but I believe each child is different and has different needs. Maybe you could take a special picture of him the day he’s born or something that can be just his to make him feel just as special but in a different way. The $200 cost isn’t the issue, it’s the feelings and meaning behind the gesture that count the most. Congrats!

  15. I say do it! She might not feel slighted but you will feel terrible because there just isn’t as much time to write in those baby books, snap pictures of all the firsts, etc, etc. I’ve been there so my advice I that if you have the cash to do it a second time around, DO IT!

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