Someone in my family has separation anxiety.
I was going to write this post last week, except I was making a concerted effort to avoid thinking about it.
I did pretty well, until this past Sunday, when it smacked me in the face and I realized I had 7,281 things to do before today. I didn’t get them all done, as you might imagine.
I guess I should tell you what “it” is that I’ve been avoiding.
I have separation anxiety.
In January, I decided that I’d like to attend the BlogHer conference in Chicago. In February, I got involved, applying to LiveBlog some of the sessions. I was selected to be in the very small group, so I had to committ to attending the conference. I secured a sponsorship from Sara Lee Soft & Smooth in March. I looked forward to the conference all winter and spring.
Then there was a car crash and many weeks spent healing. Suddenly, the conference that seemed so far away was approaching more quickly than I wanted.
About two weeks ago, I came to the conscious realization that the conference I’d been eager to attend was going to require spending five days and nights away from my Gracie.
I had always known it intellectually, but when it came time to actually leave, I was paralyzed.
I’ve never spent the night away from Gracie. Never.
I was tempted to sell my ticket and stay home, but I knew that wasn’t the right thing to do. I’d committed to both BlogHer and Sara Lee.
I felt sick every time I thought about it. I felt selfish.
Guilt. Apprehension. Fear.
Sara Lee Soft & Smooth had been generous enough to sponsor my trip to Chicago, as well as inviting me to the Sara Lee Back-to-School Nutrition Summit. I had a lot to look forward to during my trip, including meeting many of my blogging friends. And yet, I got teary even thinking about it.
Not too long ago, my friend Amy wrote about the conference, and she said that we mothers need to take time out and enrich ourselves. I wasn’t convinced, but I didn’t sell my ticket.
And then I took Grace to my Grandma’s house for a long weekend, leaving Joe behind to work on her playhouse. He survived and so did Grace.
A week ago, I started telling Grace that she and her daddy were going to drop me off at the airport so that I could ride a plane to Chicago. From the airport, Grace and Joe were going to drive to his parents’ house for a visit.
Grace was happy when we arrived at the airport. She looked at the planes, kissed me good bye, and waved from her stroller.
Go go, Daddy! Momma on plane. Go go!
And that was that. She was excited for me to leave.
I cried my way through security (more on that later!) and boarded the plane still choking back tears.
The only way to get over separation anxiety is to separate, right?
By the time my flight touched down in Chicago, I was feeling better.
I’ve been here for almost three hours now, and I’m feeling fine. I called to check in, and Grace was too busy playing with PopPop to talk to me on the phone.
She’s going to be fine.
I know she’s going to be fine.
And so am I.
© 2009, Tara Ziegmont. All rights reserved.