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Before I was a Mom

There's been an email going around for years called something like, “Before I was a Mom.” One of the lines in the poem is

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
When I couldn't stop the hurt.

Feels like home has been comparatively quiet for the last couple of weeks. Grace is sick. First, she was teething, then got an ear infection. The ear infection came and went and came back and moved between her inner and outer ear. For a few days, she had a fever of 102, sometimes higher. She's had several different antibiotics and ear drops and steroids. This morning, she started vomiting; this afternoon, diarrhea began. To put it mildly, my mind has been elsewhere.

Each day she's sick, my heart aches. It's like someone has ripped my heart out and stepped on it, over and over. I've done everything I can to make her feel better and keep her comfortable while her body fights the infection. There's nothing else I can do.

Intellectually, I know that I've done everything I could do. But yet my heart hurts because what I've done seems so painfully inadequate.

I never even imagined this before I was a mom.

© 2008 – 2018, Tara Ziegmont. All rights reserved.

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10 thoughts on “Before I was a Mom”

  1. I know how you feel. What matters is that you’re trying, and you love her, and she knows that. If she could thank you, she would… even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. I hope she (and you!) feels better soon.

  2. I know how you feel. What matters is that you’re trying, and you love her, and she knows that. If she could thank you, she would… even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. I hope she (and you!) feels better soon.

  3. Bless your heart. I know exactly how you feel.

    My baby (17 months) has been in the hospital twice since he was born with asthma. Both times I’ve been miserable watching him being poked and prodded and seeing how miserable he was.

    Intellectually, I knew I was doing everything I could and that I had to let the doctors and nurses do their jobs. But in my heart, I felt like I wasn’t protecting him.

    I think this is where a lot of parents get into trouble. We want so much to shield our kids from pain and anything that makes them suffer, so we end up shielding them from the pains they are supposed to suffer. A bad grade. Losing on the court or the field. Getting hurt by a friend.

    Remember you’re where you’re supposed to be and all you can do is hold her and let her know you’re there, loving her through the pain and misery of being sick.

  4. Bless your heart. I know exactly how you feel. My baby (17 months) has been in the hospital twice since he was born with asthma. Both times I’ve been miserable watching him being poked and prodded and seeing how miserable he was. Intellectually, I knew I was doing everything I could and that I had to let the doctors and nurses do their jobs. But in my heart, I felt like I wasn’t protecting him.I think this is where a lot of parents get into trouble. We want so much to shield our kids from pain and anything that makes them suffer, so we end up shielding them from the pains they are supposed to suffer. A bad grade. Losing on the court or the field. Getting hurt by a friend. Remember you’re where you’re supposed to be and all you can do is hold her and let her know you’re there, loving her through the pain and misery of being sick.

  5. I hope Gracie is feeling better. Thankfully, Ladybug has been very healthy! I, on the otherhand, am just getting over the crud. Ick.

  6. I hope Gracie is feeling better. Thankfully, Ladybug has been very healthy! I, on the otherhand, am just getting over the crud. Ick.

  7. Sounds like all our junebugs have been sick! It’s the worst. When Fox’s temp passed 103 I couldn’t even look at the thermometer anymore!

  8. Sounds like all our junebugs have been sick! It’s the worst. When Fox’s temp passed 103 I couldn’t even look at the thermometer anymore!

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