101 More Ways to Love Your Husband

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Five years ago, I wrote a list of 75 ways to love your kids. Loving my kids comes naturally to me; it's like breathing. I grew them in my body. I know them as well as one person can know another. They are with me nearly every minute of every day. They're little; I can explain away most of their annoying qualities.

Loving my husband, on the other hand, is not like breathing. He's an adult with grown-up feelings and grown-up responsibilities and grown-up caustic remarks. He's also got plenty of annoying qualities that are not easily explained away (and so do I which I will readily admit).

Perhaps marriage is easy and effortless for some, but it is not easy and effortless for us.

In other words, we have to actively love one another or else we fall into a grouchy, grumbly, annoyed with each other rut where we each assume the worst of the other.

You couldn't do everything on the other list in a day or a week, and you can't do everything on this list either. Pick something, and start today. Pick something else for tomorrow. Do one thing at a time, and don't worry about getting it right. Chances are good that he'll appreciate any attention, especially if you've been saving all yours for your children.

{ahem}

Note: After I wrote this mega list, I realized that I had already written a list of 31 ways to love your husband, and only a few months ago! Interestingly, almost every one is different from the list below, so be sure to check out both!

1. Have sex more often. You and I both knew that this had to be #1 on the list. In fact, if this list were written by a man, sex would most likely be every number from 1 to 70. I know you're tired, and the children have been whining at you all day, and you just want 10 minutes alone without anyone touching you. Believe me, I get it. Take your 10 minutes without anyone touching you, then go find your husband.
2. Say “I love you," especially when you're angry with him. It's then he most needs to hear it. (Sound familiar?)
3. Speak to him in a kind voice whether you feel like it or not. (Perhaps you can't muster kindness in the midst of an argument. Can you aim for even or normal?)
4. Every day, sincerely ask how his day was and what he did. Look into his eyes and actively listen while he tells you.
5. Ask him what he wants to do, listen to his answer, and then make it happen.
6. Hug him and hold on longer than normal. Aim for 30 seconds which will seem like an insanely long time in the moment.
7. Kiss him for longer than normal, at least 30 seconds. (No quick smooches!)
8. Have dates. Whether your dates are at home (after the kids are in bed) or out in public, you need to have time to spend as a couple, without your children. Trust me on this. We've had long stretches without dates, and we both enjoy each other more when we set aside that time. (We've had every excuse you can think of, from not enough time to not enough money. You owe it to your kids to have a healthy marriage; make the time and free up the dollars.)
9. Put on the song you danced to at your wedding, and slow dance in your living room.
10. Reminisce with him by looking at old photos together - your wedding, your honeymoon, your dating days, even the early days of your marriage.
11. Hold his hand.
12. Greet him after work with a huge smile, warm hug, and a juicy kiss.
13. Leave him a message on the bathroom mirror (use a dry erase marker for easy clean up).
14. Wash his car for him.
15. Vacuum his car for him.
16. Set the alarm for 15 minutes earlier than normal, and spend that time cuddling or talking in bed.
17. Text him during the work day to tell him how much you appreciate him.
18. Call him just to flirt.
19. Do something he likes with him even though you really want to say no.
20. Think of a nickname that you could start calling him and then use it. It has to be something that will make him feel good!
21. Make eye contact when you're speaking to him.
22. Wink at him.
23. Say "I'm sorry" first.
24. Dress up for him. Ask him what he likes to see you wear, and then wear it.
25. Let go of something minor that bothers you, and don't bring it up again.
26. Wear the perfume you know he loves.
27. Put on some lipstick right before you see him. Make yourself look really nice for your sweetheart.
28. Do a chore that he usually does.
29. Ask him, "What can I do to relieve your stress right now?" and then do it.
30. Make his favorite dinner. I have published over 300 recipes to give you a head start on something delicious.
31. Pack his lunch for work, and include a silly love note.
32. Heat up his towel in the dryer while he's in the shower.
33. Fill up his gas tank.
34. Put the kids to bed, and give him a few minutes to himself during that time.
35. Start his car 10 minutes before he has to leave in the morning, either to warm it up in the winter or to cool it off in the summer.
36. Scrape the ice off his car windows for him.
37. Let him sleep in on the weekend.
38. Do your hair the way he likes it.
39. Share a treat, and let him have the last bite.
40. Leave a note on one of his shirts that says "I love it when you wear this!"
41. Sincerely thank him for something he's done for you recently.
42. Text him a flirty note.
43. Write out 10 reasons you're lucky to be married to him, and then give him the list.
44. Hide a love note in his wallet or pocket to find later.
45. Make a commitment not to say anything negative to or about him today.
46. Tell him you have a dilemma and ask his opinion on how to fix it.
47. Set a reminder on his phone that says "I love you!" or maybe something flirty that he will appreciate.
48. Leave him a flirty voicemail in the middle of the day.
49. Make a list of his 10 best qualities, and give it to him.
50. Leave a love note on his steering wheel.
51. Reminisce about a favorite memory that the two of you shared.
52. Post about how great he is on Facebook or Instagram.
53. Give him a lottery ticket with a note that says "I hit the jackpot when I married you!"
54. Tell him how attractive he is.
55. Ask him how his day was, and give him 10 full minutes of one on one conversation with lots of eye contact as you discuss it.
56. Print out an old photo of the two of you, and leave it somewhere he'll find it with a note about that memory.
57. Take a bunch of random photos of him, and then text them to him one at a time, each with a note about how attractive he is.
58. Make a commitment not to say anything sarcastic to or about him today.
59. Give him a heart attack. Make dozens of paper hearts (maybe out of sticky notes?) and write one thing you love about him on each one. Then stick these hearts somewhere he will find them, like all over the inside of his car or on his side of the bed.
60. Leave him a punny love note in one of these super cute cards. (I bought those cards four or five months ago, and Joe loves receiving them.)
61. Compliment him in front of someone else.
62. Print out a punny love note from this site.
63. Send him a letter in the mail (especially if he brings in the mail). Those note cards above would be great for this, too.
64. Leave a love note on his pillow.
65. Get a little crafty, and make him this Google card featuring the BEST HUSBAND EVER.
66. Write something you love about him for each letter of the alphabet (or if that's a little too ambitious, go for each letter of his first name).
67. Join him in the shower.
68. Watch tv together, and make out during all the commercials.
69. Buy some bathtub crayons, and use them to write him steamy notes in the shower.
70. Grab his butt.
71. Give him a thorough back and neck massage.
72. Put on some lingerie. It's a little sad that Joe used to leave something out for me, and I always put it away without putting it on. If I knew then what I know now, I would just put it on, even if it was uncomfortable, and I would show it to him at an opportune time.
73. Sit extra close to him.
74. Buy a lovers sign to hang in your bedroom. Here are a few of my favorites:
    • I have found the one whom my soul loves -Song of Solomon 3:4
    • It has made me better loving you. (From Henry James' Portrait of a Lady)
    • Together is a beautiful place to be.
    • The most wonderful thing I decided to do was to share my life and heart with you.
    • I love you. I know.
    • It was always you.
75. Kiss him in front of your kids. It's healthy to gross them out.
76. Turn off all electronics and give him your undivided attention for 30 minutes.
77. Pop some popcorn and watch tv or a movie together - his choice.
78. Go for a walk with him.
79. Wait for him and go to bed together.
80. Really get to know him again. Try these free Study Your Spouse and Interviews.
81. Write a love note, roll it up, and stick it inside a balloon. Blow up the balloon with the note inside, then write POP ME on the outside and leave it somewhere he'll find it.
82. Surprise him with his favorite dessert.
83. Surprise him with his favorite candy.
84. Surprise him with his favorite dinner.
85. Surprise him with dinner out at his favorite restaurant.
86. Remember the mix tapes of your youth? Do the 2018 equivalent and create a playlist that reminds you of him, and sneak it onto his phone.
87. Make him a homemade gift.
88. Frame a picture of the two of you for on his desk at work, or order a photo desk plaque at Shutterfly. I get those for Joe all the time. In fact, he has to swap them out because his desk is so full!
89. Check out a book he'd like to read from the library.
90. Order him a gift online, and watch his excitement when he gets a package in the mail.
91. Make him a sweet card from scratch even if you're not artistic.
92. Buy him something he normally wouldn't splurge on. (27+ gift suggestions for your husband in this post.)
93. Use this method to fold a dollar bill into a heart, and tuck it into his wallet or pocket.